Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Nothing Much

Hey guys,

Long time no post or even pictures, sorry I have been to busy cathing up on sleep and the fact that I have been doing nothing so there is really nothing to write about. I hope you all are having a great break from school and holiday.

Life is so boring when you do not have school. I love how people cant wait for school to start and than like a few weeks in, there like hurry up and end. Me I went to CRAVE on thursday this past week did it suck. I remember it used to be a lot of Asians but now its gone Latino(some are very hot), but there was to much fighting. Me and the bff did not really like it as much as we did before. I did get to see another friend there. J.J he is a really nice guy hes tall. I total forgot to say at least there is one good japanese guy in my last post. But I only see him ever so often.

Saturday was nice, it was a dinner type thing at a friends house. So many gays in one room. I am surprised the windows did not get steam up. HAHA. It was a nice get together. Xmas party are nice here. I wish there were a lot of people like that who do things like that. I dont mind going clubbing once or twice a month but every friday and all weekend not a good idea I wiil have to change my appiontment for a face lift early if I was partying that much.

Other than that my life is boring. Nothing to do on break just sit home and wacth porn on my new LG falt screen tv, god does it look good hehe. I wish I could find a job, but its so hard here. Going clubbing this weekend at Shangrila, I like this place more than Dragon.

Later guys.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Just a realization

Hey guys,

Its funny how that only I have probelems with gay people. Maybe I should be str8, god I wish I was. Why cant sexuality be a choice...The reason I bring this up becasue I knwo a lot of you get offended or what ever feeling you get. but When I talk to str8 people about the stuff I write in my blog they agree with me 100%. Its Kinda of funny how gays are about eqaulity yet when it come to their one night stands are partner exspecially asian gays they are the pickest people ever.

The str8 people I talk to are many races. But they are surpirsed that I talk about these issues. A lot have said your not gay because of your mind set. And that Gay usally want these issues not to be talk about and just put under the bad like old tissues from masturbation(my friend said). That was funny but mostly true.

I talk about issued that should be talk about and that you should not hide them under the bed and I am str8 forward, gays here do not like that. There about open mind, which is good but they dont look at through education and experices just except everything no matter what. Iv notice majority do not look at the conscuinces.

From now on I will make sure when I write my post that I edit and make sure wordings are right. Like make sure I put the word "majority" so people know that I am talk about the majority and not the minority. This is kinda of funny now. I just relized most the people who read my blog are not what I talk about. The people I do talk about do not, they probally only come to my page to see the pics and not the readings. So they are the typical sterotpeys that ppl talk about.

I am a nerd!

Hey guys,

First I like to point out that I do not deal with Asian Americans. I do not get along with them. The people I deal with are Asian that come from Asia who in my opp ion are trying to be American which pisses me off. Gay Asians.

My real close friends are CK, CL, TV, and they are real Asian who agree with me. And do not act Americanized at all. My bff on the other hand is a lot more Americanized than b4. Many of the readers from my old blog know I used to fight all the time with my bff. But after last years Intercultural communication class I learn that we were having problems because of cultural differences.

In high school I knew a lot of Asian from all over but I didnt get along with the viets because of their attuide. But I always got along with the other Koreans and Chinese. In time I could probably get along with them but if it takes years like me and my bff than no thank you. My bff gets along with the viets but I never have. culturally they do share some common attitude towards things. Yes all culture have differences but there are similarities.

A lot of you do not know me but I am nerd a geek a book worm, not just that, I have traveled. I have been to many states in the US and many countries in Asia(except Indonesia, and Burma).

When I am came to America all I had was Asian friends from everywhere. I have gone to their homes learn about their culture got books on every culture. My mom has a wedding company that helps Asian couples from all over Asia. I help her with the couples all the time. There is a lot of traditional stuff that needs to be done.

I am a Global studies major and my area is Asia(just bc its say global doesn't really mean I study all countries/ you have to have an regional area of emphasis). So I have taken lots of class and read books on the side about many Asian cultures, for my research papers.

I have also study many other class never just one subject history, politics, myths, psychology, anthropology, science because I feel they all come together.

I just want to say that if I am stereotyping so what. If you taken an intercultural communication class you will learn that you need some stereotypes, it is what keeps you sane and in control of your personality and individuality. Most of you think you do not stereotype but you do. Our class took a test where to see if you stereotype, and a lot who said they were not this or that they were surprised to see that they do have some stereotyping thinking.

Also that yes these are from my experiences and if your not that type of person than you should probably talk to me and show me that their are good people.I know there are some good people of every race and bad people of every race. But remember I look at the majority. I appreciate the minority, but I never seem to have that minority in my life so how can I be positive when there is none to be positive about.

One commenter said something interesting. I think he forgets that China is very big and that their is a difference between northern and southern china. Southern China and Vietnam do have a lot in common but China is still more old fashion than Vietnam. That's what I got from visiting Vietnam after being in china for 2 weeks. The one things that all Asians have in common is Family ties and the way family is done. But Vietnam is not that Confucius sorry man. But its the thurth if your still reading I can give the readings I had to read for school.

Korea and Japan are more Confucius than China. China has change a lot in the recent years. They do have someone what of a Confucius like society but to me probably closer to Lao Zi Chinese thought than than of Confuses thought.

Before someone say something like your reading things that American wrote. HEll 2 the NO. If I have to read something an American wrote I usually have to defend that country in class. When we were on Vietnam in Asian politics it was from some stupid white guy and he was wrong. I read lot of stuff online from people of that country. Just like when it comes to food if someone else cooks it and its not their orgins food I will not eat it. A Japanese making Italian food hell no.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Respect & Persoanlities and the Future.

Hey guys,

I have been woundering lately why I met the bad people. I knwo you all read my blogs and probally the one before it and think I am a bad person. But deep down I am nice in side, just like my post on libra says. Of course we all can not get along with everyone and in my case certain races. But it has to do with the persoanlity of that race.( I will get into that later), but like the JM he only talks to me the night of Dragon wounders if I am going or not and when will I pick him up. Kinda of messed up. I mean, he is using me and my bff since he doesnt have a car. The funny thing is after we hangout for like 2 weeks he says you are my best friend. Kinda of wierd huh!

Yesterday I had gone to my friends house to play some poker very nice, he is also a goh goh kinda of guy. T.V.(not telvsion) is so nice to me and he treats me really nice. When I first met him I thought he was going to be a bitch becasue hes one of those really pretty looking guys. The ones you see in movies who are bitches but hes not. I was glad to have gone, havnt seen him since my bday. He has a bf who is really nice and also got to see the copule I havnt seen in a few months TJ and his bf MFJ its so nice to see them. I had fun but of course deep down I envy them and was kinda of sad.

They all have bfs, now my BFF has one, that guy I talk before about. Since weve been friends he has had 3 bffs, me none. Its so sad. He also meets more guys than me. I havnt met many. I know its not me, of course my bff would think that but its not. Most of his friends are Viet and Flips and they are the ones I do not get along with. Plus they really are not my type. I like Chinese, Singporens, Taiwanese, Hong Kong people. I get along with all of them to but its always just as friends and nothing more. To them they would think its some East Asian vs South East Asia war or something but its not it has to do with persoanlity.

Now I will get into something people dont seem to get. Everyone has many persoanlity and I do not mean split personality. Persoanlity are traits of people, whats in side you what makes you, you. You have Culture Persoanlity, Family Persoanlity, Upbringing persoanlity, and Individual persoanlity that makes you who you are. The funny thing most of these guys work in jobs that really deals with people, I would think they had to take some class before on this issue.

Since I bet you all knwo about Family personality which is what your family acts, does think, affect you bigger than you think, Upbringing personality, being the palces, people in your life and of course your individual perssoanlity all you know. I am going to wirte about culture persoanlity. In everyones culture you have the norms, belifes, vaules that affect who you are. And there is a big differences in South East Asian and East Asians. Of course each country has their own culture and norms but there is similarities in all Asian cultures.

But with the S.E Asian there are similraties just like Chinese, Korean and Japanesse have some similarities in how we act. East Asians still have a lot of tradional norms in our life, they might have change a little bit but compared to S.E Asians not so much anymore. Family ties are still there. For exapmle my bff's bf is kinda of mad at me becasue I defended FB. I was not, I didnt see what he did was wrong. He bow for forgivness and mmy bff and his bf thinks its bad. But coming from a cultre were we still see bowing as very respectful. This is what I told them and they were like he was on his knees. Guess what? we Korean still do that when we are sorry and when we have a request, depending on the request but we would not look at the person and be like oh my god what the fuck is he doing. But to them it is.

I think what pisss me off the most, they dont respect how I see things and how I feel about things. There have been many times that I have felt uncofarotable but I did not say anything. My bff thought I was more socialable than him, probally am, probally not but not with the type he hangs out with. I have never been dislike by Chinese(HK, Taiwan, Mainland, Singapore) or even my own people Koreans. Like our one friend VR we didnt get along but my bff had to try to make us get along and we did after like a year. Hes viet and I just never got along with them and Flips not so much. Call it racist if you want, but becasue of the way they act(culturaly) I do not like it. I will deal with them but I wont accept them as friends are anything. I think this is the reason why I am single, the gays here are mostly Chinese, Flips, and Viets. There is only one race I get along with here but they only see me as friend and nothing more, and the few Koreans here dont date other Koreans. So I am screwed.

They kept saying I need to change. And I am changing. I am being careful who I hangout with. When I go back to the gay world it will be different. Instead of pretending to like people and just dealing with them, I wont. I will only hang out with people I like and I know I will get along with and be comfortable with. It may not be the way they want me to change but its me and if they dont like it than I dont care anymore. I am doing what my mom tuaght me. Stay away from people you knwo you do not like and dont even bother to pretend to like them its life, not your job. Of course at your job place you just deal with it but outside of work dont pretend at all. By doing this I can be emotional stable.

When you do something you dont like, you are hurting yoruself more and more everyday. It may not show up right away but you will deal with it in the end and it will hurt you. Now that Iv got the poeple I dont really care for out of my life, I feel a lot better. Of course I am sad and envy my friends for being in a relationnship but its easier for me to handdle than it was before. Becasue no more of this fake crap inside of me.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Update 2

So Friday I went to Dragon with my bff it was intresting. I did not talk to anyone since they that group took my bff away from its all good its his bday weekend all I want him is to have fun.

The group is mad at me becasue on thanksgiving I went to the house party, me and my bff were talking and it was about guys look. I had said I dont like anyone in the group. And one of the guys came out but didnt hear the beiinging of the conversation so he misunderstood what I was talking about and thought I didnt like them. I dont really care for the group( not hate or like just neutral) but I would have not said it to their face. I mean they are my bffs bfs friends. Plus like I said before they dont even bother talkking to me. SO its all good. I dont care anymore.

So on saturday I pick up C.L and J.M to go to the party. It was fun since I like C.L of course I do not care if it works out or not being his friend is what counts. So it was fun to hang out with him but J.M is anoying. I have been haning out with him for a month or two. He wont stop poking me or touching me which I really do not like. It makes me feel uncofortabel. Also on that night he drank all my water in my car, I ask hey why you drink all my water his exuss is that I drink a lot of liqued. I was so pissed and said stop being cheap and buy your own. What piss me off is he didnt ask if he can have some water he just takes. I think He is rude. WE have been picking him all the time and he never offers to buy us a drink or give some gas money. Which to me is rude. I dont care where you come from but I think in most culture its a courtsy to give something in return. He also was way to drunk. I think since I was driving and there was free drinks at the dinner he drank up on free stuff. Also when I ask him for 20 for the dinner bill he was hestaint on giving moeny.


For some reason the Japanesse I meet are really wierd. I usally met the tall ones never the short ones like everyone else here but they are wierd. One is really slutty, like sleeps around talks about it. A few of us will never eat anythign off his plate or share anything. We know you cant get anything from that but knowing what he does is grose. One is cheap and not considerit, and one that is really tall and trys to be black and is to inmature and mean. I have met one good Japanese guy back in senior year of high school. These of course are gay japanese. I had a few str8 Japanese female friends which are really nice.

Well than on Sunday which was yesterday C.L call me and said he was bored, than he ask my why you never ask me to come over. I said sorry, I didnt think to. So he came over we talk than went to Quickly, than to see a movie with his two friends and saw Nija Assian. That was a ok movie. You can tell it was madde my a white guy it was so bloody. Asian films made by asian are not that bloody. But at least it had some of a good story line. Thats what is missing in some English-American films, they seem to care about the graphics and blood more than the story. I do like the movies from the 50s. They had good stories.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Update 1


Hey guys,

Its been a long time sorry. Finals are next month and lots of term papers to do. I just finshed 2 so 2 more to do than study for finals god i want to die.

Well i have been going to dragon becasue trying to be the new me. but I relized soemthing about what these new groups of gays want. I didnt go to class today so I talk with one of the girls who is in my two classs on monday and wendsday. We talk about a lot of things and she agrees with me a lot on a lot of things. She is a pol major. Gays really do have a different mind set. But my mind is more of a stright guy. she said my views are very rebulican, socialist, communist, moralist, and conservative. She told me she talk to another guy in our class whos gay and hes a very liberal demacrat. Now I kwno why its hard for me to get along with gays becsue most gays think like him. I am on the other side of line.

The reason why I talk about this is becasue on friday I was really pissed at two things that my BFF's man did. First of all they both said they will pick me so we can go to the rave that was on Saturday. But the day before he gives me his address. I was really confuse. And than when I ask my bff on friday he gave me a look with a grin smile. I was so pissed becasue when you guys say your going to do something do it. Unlike these new groups of gays I am a responislbe person. I will not drive if I am drunkn or high I just wont. And it takes time for these things to get out of my system. I have to sleep for 6 hours before everything is out me. I do not sobe up quickly. I plan on not geting a DUI. they give a exuss, you can crash at my place. I will not be able to. I have problems sleeping in places I do not know. Its very hard for me.

The 2nd thing that pissed me off is when he is telling me about how i should be showing my care for my best friend. What pissed me off is that I have to hear it from a 3rd person, not from my bff. The man of my bff says something like he doesnt like those complimeants I give him. My friend never told me anything about them he would just tell I do not belive you. And we were argue bout how this new group thinks im stuck up and what ever. I am shy I do not knwo them so I cant talk to them or start a conversation when I really do not knwo what to talk about. And he keeps telling me what needs to change. I knwo he means well but I am getting sick of it. I feel like its more and more critizime. I cant take it anymore. I told that gril who is in my class and she say well gays are like taht since she has a lot of gay friends. And that some are really uneducated. Like i miss having good conversations with poepl on topics of politics and other issues but these gays do not give a shit.

So instead of changing for these people I will just be who I am and be less excepting. But at the bday party this weekend I will just be quite. I m different from them and they cant except it. Its their lose not mine. They have been thinking way to much and their conclusion are not what is true.

My true heart is very caring I show it differently than they do, I do not consider everybody a friend, i do have trust issuse. People here over used the words friends and love. To me friend is a person you can share things with and people you actually hangout with out side of school, work or in this case club. I consider them club ppl. I knwo its mean but thats life. English languge really needs to make up words for these kinds of people. I tell the truth and its hard but who gives a dam.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Soon Life will change for the better, I hope!

Hey guys,

Long time no post. I have been very busy with school. Last night I was rushing to do my paper since one of my group members told me that the rough draft was due today but it was not. But at least I got that paper done.

Got my Asian Phil midterm #2 back I got 15/20 I was so shock. I study for the test but the essay question I just bull shitted. The first midterm he let us choose one out of the 3 questions to write a essay on but this one he pick one and it had to be the one that I didn't study for. I could not believe I was even close to what he wanted on the essay.

When it comes to school I can be very lucky sometimes. This was the first time I ever bull shitted on a test, but when it comes to my love life I am not lucky at all.

Well the guy I like is back from China I am so happy hehe. I could not stay away from him he called me out of the blue the other day and spark a flame inside me. My bff is doing good to he looks so skinny now but he still sexy as ever haha. He complains about it, but hes hot and he knows it deep down inside.

We didn't go to the club last week we just went to movie. ZT came along to he so cute like a plush toy haha. Even though he is a clingy type of guy I can tell he does have a sweet heart. I know its been a week but I dont think He will take my bff away from me. I think because of this school stuff, I had no time to think about the people around me. and try to understand them, well him. Just for everyone information I never thought badly of ZT just didn't know what to expect from him. But on Saturday I went to Hunter which is now called "Brix" what a stupid name for a club. I went with my Goh Goh, that places has so many ugly people. But its a good confidence booster hehe.

Its interesting how my bff gets someone who will care for him no matter what. Of course I have him who cares about me, but still when we are both high who will wacth over me. Yes I took "E" for the 3rd time.

First time I got nothing out of it what waste, 2nd time I got semi high it kept going away than coming back for me. 3rd time for me I felt so good, The great thing about me is that even If I'm drunk or high I never look like I am. The bad thing is that people will not believe if I told them I was high or drunk. When I am drunk I usually get lighter, when I am high I don't know yet. Don't worry guys I wont get addicted to it. Its only for once in awhile. Its a lot better than getting drunk.

I am back to my normal self that was in Korea. Not as bitchy anymore and just keeping my eyes open and my mind. I do not have school tomorrow thank god.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

New Me (Pics next post)

Hey guys,

Well I hope you all had a great Halloween. Mine was ok yesterday I went to dragon and again not many people wore a custom. Thats why this year I did not wear one. But beside that I was really not in the mood last night so I was just ok.

My bff of course is going out tonight wanted to go with him but since his man, well not really, a guy who wants to be his man picked him up. But the problemm with this guy is he is really clingy and gets jeoulse easy. So Im stratiing to think that me and my bff will not hanging out that much. I will not go up to the city by myself. And my bff has to pass mmy house before he can go to SF. SO we allways woudl swicth whos car we take to this city. He would drive up to my house than I would take my car or his or another friend. Since he lives 30 mins away from me.

Yeah i get jeolsue of him all the time. He always gets these guy who drive to him and pick him up and these guys live near me not really that far like 5-15mins away, they used to pick me up to becasue they knew that they can not sperate us. A lot of poeple knew that if you date him you have to date me too haha. Not really but becasue we are really close its like that almost. A lot of people see that. And the guy ask him and he said yes but I saw in his eyes he hates that and doesnt want that. I feel like hes going to try to destory that.

But its still sad that everyone likes him. Like last night everyone ignores me the guys who know me, who are my bff's guy TZ's friends, they only say hi to me when they want a cig. Kinda sad. I believe that my bff has a new group that doesnt like me. They just fake like me, and Im kinda of tired of that. Becasue when they say hi to him, and I am right next to him so they notice I am there.

I swear I am sick of all this Drama in my life I dont ask for it but it just seems to come in my life. In Korea I do not have drama at all. Only the US. My bff always has a guy after him around this time and than around spring he breaks up with them, becasue he doesnt feel anything.

It would feel nice to have someone loth or wants me so bad, but never. Even one of my friends who also tried to find a bf got one. Hes happy now and I am happy for him to, but if you saw him he kinda of bitchy and slutty but he gets a bf still. Me a sweet guy who is tradional and very respectful gets no one. Life is so wierd. When I had dinner with my bff and TZ he told me that many guys here in the bay area are not really looking for relationships.

This pisss me off so much. So therefore, I have stop looking and chnage into a new person, well who I used to be back in Korea, now beacuse of all this stuff thats happened. Thats why last night I was really not in the mood at all. In Korea drinking with friends is something to be fun and just be with friends but gays here do not see it that way. So tonight at Ruby Sky will be my last night of party. Since Fianls are next month and 4 Research paper will be due in November I need to spend time working on those for awhile. I hope after I change into the new(old) person I will go back to the clubs and see how it works.

My gay life really sucks here. I have a weak heart and a emotional guy I am surprsied I have last this long. Even though I am going back to who I used to be my heart is now fully gone. So everyone who comes into it I m just going to play. I will still be there for my bff CK my goh goh but others I dont care about anymore. Becasue even the guy I like CL that would never work out. I like him a lot still but since things will not work out I am going to stop talking to him and not see him when he comes.

Lately I have be wacthing a lot of old shows again like Queer as Folk, and I think I am going to be like Ted Smith the account guy who gets fuck up on drugs and his sex porn site. I feel like that will be me. My bff could not belive how much porn I have but when you dont get action of course your going to have a lot. The drug part I do not think will happen to me. but when it comes to his love life he gets nothing. Of course once in awhile he will get a guy but thats for sex. I get offers once in awhile but I do not do it. So my life will be like his alone and old with no one to careful.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Many things in just two weeks

Hey guys,

Sorry for the really long wait for the new post. I have been really busy with school my bday and friends birthday. I do not seem to have enough time for anything except time for jacking off haha.


Well on the 16th which was a friday I got really drunked a lot more drunked than usally since my bday was coming up. I had a great time with friends, but when I got home I got really emo. And I had an argument with my step father saying who gives a shit that Obama is president. The world and in America still has racist people. Just becasue he so called black by most people( which pisses me off) there are still areas in America that dont except it even in the lovely gay community.

The gay community seems to be all about equality off everyone, but when it comes to thier sex partners or one night stands they dont look for whats inside but only whats outside. For me even if I were to do a one night stand it should be with someone I can have some kinda of emotion. There is lust, friends with benfits, love making but the all posses a emotion. So for me I would want to know that person before anytype of one night stand.

This of course is what I really wanted to tell my step father and my mother but did not. They really do not kwow whats going on with me. My mom ended up crying that night forcing me to drink water holding me in the bed saying all she wants is for me to be happy. What a good start on my bday weekend.

Than Sunday we had dinner at some Italian resturrant which suck by the way. My best friend pick it. I dont blame him, he found it and he saw it was a 4 star resturant but I think it was only becasue it was a nice place. Than went to Trigger near Castro for clubbing got really wasted again. I was not emo untill the end.

I got emo because a guy that I like before Mr. C.P was playing around saying I am his ex he grab me and than kiss me on the lips. After that he took my hand we went outside and we talk. He said something about how he would have dated me if there was no drama between one of my friends and this other guy.And he kept on holding me and hugging me. After that he need to go I statred to cry. Becasue I was just like what the hell. Then I finally went back in and this guy F.B kept toouching my ass. He is so freaking cute haha.

For any of you new people, I do not get guys at all, ones I like end up liking my bff, or they move to China and than say they like me, or my friend ends up liking him. So I cried becasue this seems to be a recyling way of life for me in the gay world here.

So Yeah I was happy that I was with friends, just not the gay bicths here in the bay area.
Than on Tuesday I met up with F.H which was his bday. We went bowling well they did I just wacth. I just kept making fun of F.B hehe.

Than Friday the 23th went to dragon again and went clubbing with friends. That was intresting. Than on saturday we celebrated F.H bday at a friends house. I got way to drunk but my bff pick me up and we went to End up in SF near 280 exit in Sf I believe. Great place. I drop for the second time and finally got high for the first time haha. I was so wild. But I was with F.B the whole night flirting with him and made a new gay Korean hyung(big bro). I finally had a good weekend.

Well this is a lot of cathing up so much stuff that happend. I am just goinng to have fun flirt with people and so on. No one night stands but just having fun. Of course I will have spills here and there and be emo but usally when I am drunk I am happy as long as you dont hit the button of sadness and bring back old emotions. Its like people can have fun drinking as long as you do not brinng up religion or politics than a fights going to happen.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Time is so Short


Hey guys,

Well I have been pretty busy lately. Midterms are over of course still waiting for 2 other test scores. I hope I did good on them. Life has been very wierd for me lately. My dong sang the guy I talk about in the last previous blogs is gone. The funny thing is I didnt cry. I think becasue it didnt hit me yet. Its one of those thiings that you still dont believe.

Beside that I have been trying to live my life happy since I will be here for awhile. I forgot if I mention that I might be going back to Korea next fall. I talk to my major adviosr and he said that most of the class that I took at Mission College count for many of the major course that need to be taken so all I have is left is electives which is good. the funny thing is that I just transfered there this fall.

So becasue all I have electives left I will go back to Korea as a exchange student get the course from there than sign up for my masters there. Than I still can have a degree from US and get a good job in Korea. I knwo a lot of people are pissed becasue I am using the US system but I tried to find a guy here they gay world here is to cruel so I need to leave. This country is not the place for me. So dont be mad becasue I knwo some good American people who moved to Europe becasue there life here was not good here too. Just becasue you are born somewhere doesnt mean thats your true home some find thier new home in another state or country. Life is different than in the past.

Well My bday is coming up soon, this Sunday at 7pm. So I will have a special blog for you guys.

Later.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

TO MY FAVE. DONG SANG...Get well Please


Hey guys,

Well I did go to the club on friday. It was just me and my BFF went up to the city. Met some of our friends there. It was ok it seem to be new people there for some reason. There was some decent looking ones.I was was really wasted, probally since I have not gotton drunk for awhile.

While I was clubbing, one of my dongsangs the one I was talking about on Friday's blog got into a motercyle accident. He is is the hospital. I am really sad right now,and worry about him. If any of you saw Sailor moon hes is like her but worst, he seems to get hurt a lot. It not a good thing he is young and needs to live a long life.

So yesterday I was not really in the mood and still today not in a really good mood. I can not stop thinking about him. His little borther told me everything. Hes a wake now but still I worry. I am like a mother sometimes I really care about the poeple who come in to my life and I worry about them even if they use me or dont care care about me.Thats why I get used a lot. I cant say no and I have a heart like a women. I am just like mom.

SO If you guys can pray if your religous or just hope the best for him that would help. You may not knwo him but, no one derseves to die or get hurt like that. I woudl never wish anything like that on anyone not even Hitler.

I hope everyone else is doing ok at least and that no one got hurt or knew someone who got hurt. Have a great Sunday guys. And to my dong sang please get well fast. Heal up. I wish I was there to be by your side right now. I love you man.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Midterms and Realization


Hey guys,

Well I am goinng to make my blog more me, so I will put up hot people that or guys and grls. No I am not Bi but there are some sey girls out there haha, who I would go streight for haha.

This week was all midterms I have one more left on wed. I hope I do good. Yesterday midterms were kind of wierd. For my Global Soceity class he did not give any review so know really knew what was going to be on the midterm. We had a review day all he said was bring pen and pencil that is it. Than he siad any questions, people just ask about the readings after 15 mins of class everyone just left.

The Asian Philosophy one was easy. He gave a review I was up for like 3 hours reviewing it and when I took it, it only had 5 true/false, 5 muiltuple choice and one essay question it was pretty easy more than the review.

Well I have been kinda of sad lately, I know most of my readings are sad haha, but I met this Korean guy a few weeks ago. I still like C.L but siince hes not here and he does not know if he will come back or not I thought I should just met people and make friends. So this Korean guy who came to the states when he was like 5 I think. He said that I am cute on line and in person. The reason I am sad is becasue the guy is everything I like in a guy hes normal. I do not like the guy becasue he has a boyfriend and they are in a open relationship. But I am sad becasue the fact that a guy who thinks I am cute, have simliarties and we hit it of on the first met, is a guy I can not have. Kind of sad.

I have been talking to my dongsang(lil bro not real brother) back in Korea for the past few weeks, hes nice guy. He wants me to be happy and stop being sad. He knows I am gay but does not care. And he reads my blog from time to time to see how I am doing. I wish I could be in a relationship with him. Hes tying to make me feel good but the sad thing is that I am statrting to like him. Yeah I like two people at the same time really sad. He is just like the Korean guy I met a few weeks ago everything that I want in my man, just this guy is streight. Even though he is not gay he wants to protect me from all the bad things.

You know I took a online quiz at facebook, yeah they are not real test, but it was a test of what Asian is right for you, I got Korean. I am starting to think that I can only date my own people. I mean Chinese peopel love me as a friend but they dont see me in that way. I always found Chinese guys hotter than Korean. My list was Chinese, Japanese, than Korean. in the way of hottness but what ever. My frist date was with a Korean guy, My frist relaiosnhip with a Korean guy, gays that think im cute Korean guys. But most Gay Koreans here in America do not really date other Koreans.

Later.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Why get a Tattoo!

Hey guys,

A lot of people wondering why I would get a tattoo of a tiger looking like Korea. Some people think its because of the Korean Pride that gets out of hand. No its not the answer.

The reason for it is because Korea is my homeland, even though I lived in the US for middle and high school Korea is where I was born and who I am. I have to respect that. But this is not the main reason and is only like 5% of the reason.

The main reason is because when I was about 7 or 8 can not really remember, I was rape by 5 high school boys back in Korea before I came to the United States. They rape me and said I was the most ugliest Korean ever.

When I came to America I didn't have any Korean friends. So going through a rough time I had no one to talk to about the changes or the problems I was going through. Most of the Koreans that came here did not want to consider me Korean. Also the Korean Americans did not want to believe I was Korean especially the gay ones. Also the Asian who are really white wash, think I am black or Mexican. Not trying to be racist but that really offends me. Like one of my friends brought his black friend to hang out with us because he thinks I'm part black, but the black guy said no I am not. The reason this hurts me is because black and Mexicans are look down upon. Yes there are blacks and Mexicans who are doctors and lawyers but the stereotype of what the world has of them is bad, and I do not want to be put in that stereotype.

This hurts me a lot. I am proud to be Korean and also proud to be 25%Polish, but I know nothing of my Polish side all I knwo is my Korean side. So this tattoo is for me to be proud of who I am. It is also to prove to others that even though I may not look like Won-bin or a half good looking Korean actor, I am Korean. I will get a Polish type tattoo when I find something that is really nice.

The funny thing is that when I went back to Korea for college a lot of Koreans just consider me Korean. They would say don't even say your 25% Polish your more Korean born in Korean and so on. I think with age comes maturity and more understanding. But here in American still today I get this negative stuff from people. It really hurts when people can see you for who you really are.

Even though Korea is still a conservative country that is opening the minds, eyes and ears. I feel that the United States still has a lot to go trough. Discrimination still goes through the US and most of through the gay world. Yes the gay world is about equality, however, there is this thing on people profile that say preferences. And to me that seem more discriminative than racism.

EX: Must be white, tone or muscle body only etc. And no not on sex sites. Even on sites where you try to find love.

Because a big majority of gay people think like this, my gay life is very boring. I am not the typical Korean or Asian boy that gays want. That is why I have no confidence or feel good about myself. I used to have a lot of gay people say, take your picture of the internet because you are the ugliest person they seen. But enough of this ranting.

I did go clubbing today. I was bored did not want to stay home but I did not get drunk, all I did was sit and wacth my friends have fun. Maybe I am getting old haha. I turn 24 next month.

Friday, September 25, 2009

NO Clubbing


Hey Guys,

Sorry for the long wait. School is so much lately. To much homework and midterms coming up this week. Well I am going to drop the WST class. I just got back my homework from that class all of them are "F's". My mom was like what the hell is with this teacher. The paragraph that I had to make was really good.

I think its becasue this class is made for student of the humanities department. My major is not in that department. So I will take the WST class when they have it for my department. But in my other class I got my other homework, and the grades were good. Like the case study thing I got A- which I was surprised.

Last weekend and today I am not going to the clubs. I bet a lot of my readers are like what. HAHA its not because of school but I do not feel like going to the clubs. I am getting sick and tired of the club scene here. I am just going to focus on school try to make str8 friends.

Gay people its hard to have friends. Like everyone msg me and said to tell my BFF to get better, but I was also sick. I felt like no one gave a crap about me. Like 3 weekends ago when I was at Dragon, I was next to my best friend and everyone was say hi to him hugging him and ignoring me. After a few mins they realized it was me and said oh hey Jun. But I have started to wounder if I should even consider them friends anymore. Gay people here seem to really care about the way their friends look like. (Gay Asian World) Gay Asian can be very bitchy. I knwo there are good ones but I think they gay life in the Asian community is not a place for me. As in the clubs and bars.

There's nothing really happening in my life right now that would be interesting to talk about. However there is finally 3 good looking guys in my class haha. In my Global Society class there is this Japanese America guy bald head in a frat he just just so hot haha. Than in my International Organization class there this Chinese American buff tall and sexy haha, and in my Asian Philosophy class there is this really tall Vietnamese American that's very cute, pretty eyes, great smile. I always look at him haha.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Life is a New


Hey guys today's I found this poem it is really funny. I thought everyone should read it.

A Passionate Kiss
Author: Gabriela

A passionate night between me and you
I can't begin to tell you the things I want to do.
First we can dim the lights and get closer.....
No, wait, that's too fast, let's go back
and move a little slower.

I'll kiss your lips that are so soft and sweet,
then move on to your cheek that's so smooth and unique.
Then I'll move right along that little ear of yours...
Whoa... my, my... let me move along your chest...
Uh, oh I missed a spot, let me move back up to the neck
As I move my tongue around and around
you start to feel it as I go down slowly
and as I kiss your chest your hands go up
...but I'm not finished yet....
I go further down towards your navel...
As I move down past your waist line I begin to kiss....

Oh, I just wake up to realize it's a dream !
A passionate dream fueled by my deep love for you.

Today for some reason I was not feeling good. I had pain threw my entire body. I do not why. This was really bad for me. I hope tomorrow brings a better day of no pain. I really do not know what to say anymore since nothing really happans at school. I still have no friends there. I know a few people there like 5 and my cousin goes there to but have only seen him once and others well not really.



I miss having my friends around me. The one thing I really hate is being alone. I need to have someone be by my side may it be my mother, my friends or a lover. But having someone near me makes me feel good. I know we need to learn to be alone sometimes but for me its hard all day long no one around. I only see my friends on the weekend and my mom comes home late and goes to bed early.


I knwo its only been a few weeks in school but I feel like a lot of things in me are changing. I do not know what it is. But I think it has to do with Sunday. I have realized many things more about the gay world, and about me. Also since I turn 24 this October I think I should change a lot. No I am not going to become a typical gay guy. But try to be a little more understanding of others. I still will be a typical Korean boy who is formal and respectful but in a different way. This is hard for me to explain but I do feel a change in me.


Life is really short, and I do not want to miss any chance at making more friends and finding my love. We as humans need love. All kinds of love. From family, friends and your love. With this comes drama. Life is full of drama where ever you go. You really can not live with out drama. If you do than you must be on a island alone. With drama comes experiences good and bad. Better connections with your friends or disconnections. Life is a thing of ups and downs. You can not run away from drama or people. This is why its called Karma. For some reason I feel like I must have done something wrong in the past to have the life I am living now. I have been told by many people that I will be single forever. From two palm readers on opposite sides of the world and by quiz's online, and from pyshics. And even my BFF's ex said that I am unlucky. But this will not keep me from trying.

Music Videos I made:




Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Life is not what its going to be.


Hey guys,

God school is so hard right now. I went to dragon on Friday than on Sunday night went to Crave in San Jose but we stayed there for awhile be for heading up to SF to go to Sanctuary. I did not come home until 6am It was interesting but after that Circuit party me my BFF figure out there is no where to met the kinda of guys we want. As we can tell there all the guys care about looks(body), and for a few the drugs. We really felt like we were in one of those episodes from queers as folk. I know there are some good guys out there but it does not seem to be easy to find.

Me and my bff are not really into these gay things. We also ask our self if we are gay or not. Because we do not think like a gay guy at all. We do not think we are better, it may come across like that but we are the type of gay people that straight people would not mind if we got married to another man.

The differences between me and my bff from gays is that we are discrete with everything we do just like straight people. To me I believe the reason that straight people do not want gays to get married, (1) the flaunt their sexuality, (2) the expect everyone should like them, (3) sex media they get, (4) and many more things you do not see straight people doing at all.

Pic I took in Hawaii
In this world not everyone is going to like you. It does not matter your sexuality, race, age, height, weight, or beliefs. Sometimes people just do not like other people. And just because they do not like you, you should not get mad at them. Just because we are does not mean anything we are normal human beings who want love. I would think.

But enough of that topic before I get heated up. But One of my friends now ex friend as of 9/9/09 6:30pm told me that I can change to straight. I wish it was that easy. I told him that it is not a choice. He think it is. Stupid no one can every control who you love what you love and so on. Also his stupid roommate is also stupid. He think that I will turn him gay. Wow There are some stupid people in my country. But they were raised here during their teenage years. From experience Koreans in California are more open minded also back in Korea because one of my hyungs(bigbro) found out that I was gay he does not care at all. He still cares for me as if I was his real brother. But all Koreans who are in other parts of the U.S are way to Christian. They are like God this and so on. I hate those kinds of people.

I am sorry for the people who believe in a God but the Christian God base religions have been proven fake. There has not been a article or announcement on it in the media. But if you were a good Catholic school boy like me and study the bible and other science you would than figure it out. I do not know why science just says it.

Later

Monday, August 31, 2009

Parties and More Parties!


Hey guys,

Sorry for the long post. I have been very busy since school started last Monday on the 24th. I am taking 5 class that are 1 hour and 15mins each. But the give way to much reading.

Class I am taking:
1.) International Organizations
2.) Asian Politics
3.) Global Society
4.) Asian Philosophy
5.) Writing class for upper division
* At the and of this semester you might see in my blog words you have never seen before. This class is to make you use words you would have never think of just like the SAT words. He wants us to write the way he wants so because of the my writing will change a lot. I hope.

So Yeah this past Friday I went to Dragon with BFF, C.K, and V.R and met some of my other friends. C.L is leaving for China soon, so he went to Dragon. God he is so cute and sweet.

Saturday I was invited to a House Party that was fun. So many gay guys and they were tall Ha Ha. Where have they been all this time. Than on Sunday I went to the dinner party for C.L. His good bye party even though he is coming back in 2 months. He says but that is only if he cant find what he is looking for and no not a boy friend but something to change the way he is doing his life. And I really want him to. You never want someone to do something they do not want to do.

The dinner was nice I at least got to say my goodbyes. But at the party my BFF's ex came which I did not know that he knew C.L a little weird. Now its official the Gay Asian World is to small. So somehow BFF's ex knows I like C.L kinda weird. He says he can tell in my eyes. He also thinks me and C.L would be good together. "Hes a sweet guy and I am a rough bottom." BFF's Ex. How would he know haha. He also told me that I am to conservative when I am sober but when I am drunk I am so funny. Its true but still I bow and shake hands like you see most Asian do in Asia even when I am drunk. I think he wanted to say that I am not so much formal.

For me when I am around people I do not know or even a guy a like. I do not want to do anything stupid were they would not like me. So I try to be very formal and don't say anything. Life is very interesting for me.

Later.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dragon bois goes to Fresh


Hey guys,

Sorry for the long wait on the new post. Been getting ready for the new school year at a new School. For all new Readers I just transferred to San Jose State University.

This weekend was interesting. Friday I went to dragon With my bff, C.K, and two of C.K friends. they were very quite . Well later in the night the guy I like was there so I went up to him and talk. He said he was not going to drink but ended up drinking anyways hes so cute and sweet. So we dance a little and he wanted to wear my hat because he likes it so I let him. But the gross and funny thing was when he came up to me and was trying to talk to me his face skid across my face hitting my lips. Sounds hot but he was very sweaty so his sweat made my face look like i just came out of the pool. Ha Ha.

But C.K's friends ended up taking a taxi drive to my house because of something. They didn't talk to us at all just went off by themselves. And their car was at my house which is stupid why they did not come back with us. Also on Saturday I end-up figuring out who one of the guys was. A guy who told me to help him find a bf a long time ago.

Sunday we went to Fresh at Ruby Sky of course every gay there had their shirts off. Which was not ok for me. Even if I had a body which I did have back in Korea I would not take my shirt off to show my body. Let my boy friend see that.

After that we went to met up with my crush aka C.L. We went to Singing Room which was fun he has such a sexy and professional voice. God I love him ha ha.This was all until 3am I was so tired. However one of our friends T.Z left his keys at one of his friends house and his friend did come to the door to let him in so my bff called me and said if he can stay at my house I said yes. But this was like 420am. When he gets here I am really tired since I did not sleep the night before. I wait with him until his friend from Berkly pics him up. His friend gets there around 6am. SO I slept the whole day Monday.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Past Dates and Guys I liked

Hey guys,

Well I thought I would write down all my past dates, guys I liked, and the 1st bf i ever had. With all these guys I had talk to them online for at least 2-3weeks. I am writing this since a lot of people do not believe me.

I have very good memory even if I am really drunk I still know how to get home and where we park the car. So I am a person you can not take advantage of when drunk. I remember everything. The sad part of this is that people with good memory will end up getting the memory loss disease.

Guys I dated

1st Guy:
With this guy who was Korean American, ask me if I would like to go on a date. Of course I sad yes. This was in my junior year of high school Spring of 2003. Later that day he tells me he is seeing someone down in LA and that this date is for fun. I was sad of course since I only believe in dating one person at a time. He should have said he wanted to make friends. Instead of me going up there to met him and being so happy.

2nd Guy:
He was Taiwanese American this was in fall of 2004. He asked of course I was like ok. We met up at Mission College I was taking English class before I went back to Korea. Well after a week he ended up with a Black Guy. And they are still together to this day.

3rd Guy:
I met a Mix Asian guy and I mean mix with almost every Asian country you could think of he was the real United Nations of Asia Ha Ha. I met him in Fall of 2004. He was 2 years younger so he was 17. We dated a few times. And than out of no where he said he does not what he wants. So it did not work.

4th Guy:
I was back in Korea this was February 2005. After a week being back in Korea I had gone to met a guy that I was taking to online back in America. That did not work out either. We dated for like 1 day.

5th Guy:
I met him but now I am like what ever to all guys that talk to me or give me compliments. Like the guys before , we would chat online for awhile and have web cam conversations so they know what I look like. This was in 2006 And we met he was like he really likes me, but after 2 weeks he stop calling me and everything. I was worried. Because He was at the age of going to the Army and I did not know what happen to him. I would look at his cyworld and he has not been online.

6th Guy:
I met him in January 2007. this guy became my boyfriend. My first and feels like my last. We broke up because I came to America in October of 2007.

7th Guy:
He was Vietnamese American met him in 2007 December. Just Graduated from High school. He said is physical attractive to me but after getting to know me he was not personality. We had talk and he felt like he knew everything and know that he is out of High school he thinks everything is going to be like what he thinks. After this guy I would not date anyone younger than me. He was to immature.

8th Guy:
A Filipino American around the end of January 2008. We had talk but this guy I could have liked if he was not to fast. The 4th time we met he had dinner and a hotel ready with rose all over the bed and in the bathroom. Very romantic but way to fast for me. And probably a lot of other People.

9th Guy:
A Malaysian Guy I met him in Summer of 2008. But he was way to much into his Makeup and hair fashion. He looks all sweet and manlyin his picture. But after going up to the city he ended up being to much of a girl for me. And he said he was a Top.

10th Guy:
Which you all know is the guy I wrote about in another blog. Filipino. For the new readers. He was a guy who I felt was lying. And also was to girl y for me.

Now I will write about the guys I really liked.

1st Guy:
He was Chinese. Met him in Spring of 2008 Very nice and kind to me and we still talk. I think it could have work but the problem was he is a bottom.

2nd Guy:
A Hong Kong guy we met in Summer of 2008. I really liked him. We talk online he would say how cute I am and so on. And after a few time we met he ended up liking my Best Friend.

3rd Guy:
He was Hong Kong guy also who was nice to me always pick me up since he only lived 5 mins away from me. He would say nice things to me but to my best friend he was mean but that was how he show that he liked my best friend.

4th Guy:
He was Chinese met him this past year around spring time. He was pretending to flirt with me. He said he like guys with glasses and when he was worried about me when I disappeared and when we met and hang out he would be like where is my hug. And I never seen him hugging anyone else. And when we are in the Smoking Patio he would hold me from the back. One time he just comes up to me and says hey baby and starts freak dance me and getting a little to close to my lips.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

New Blog


Hey guys,

I do not know why my other blog is down. I saw other blog sites that were aloud to have pictures and videos of gay stuff. And can not be my way of thinking either because than that would be against my freedom to say what I want to say.

This weekend was the same like always. Dragon there were some cute guys. Sunday I went with friends to a Vietnamese Restaurant. Which I do not like by the way. 3 of the people with us were Viet. I did not want to seem rude but I do not like their food. I am not a fan of South East Asian Food. About a year after I came here me and my mom had Viet Food for the first time, we end up getting food poison. The funny thing about that is that a lot of my friends said it was not until they came to America that they got food poison. Plus I really do not like the sauce and the way they cook it. Foods that I love is Japaneses, Italian, Chinese(my friends family cooking not restaurants), and of course Korean.

After that we went to see Perfect Getaway, which is a crap movie. The actress from Resistant Evil is a good actress but this film, ruin her. Than we went to Quickly and had a chat fro a few hours.

My life is almost over. I start school on the 24th. But I am happy because I really do not want to sit on my butt anymore.