Not Ur Typical Gay Azn Boi

Life learning

2011-01-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

Hey I hope you all or having a great new year that everyone new year statred off great. Like mine, they never do. I do know why maybe becasue the older I get I hate xmas more and New YEars becomes nothing to me.

My life is still boring and alone. Two of my friends are being still distance. I was giving them space even though I did not fight with them but they are acting like I fought with them and that they cant forgive me and go back to being good friends again.

I do not know why people here mis-understadn me at all. I really do not care if they speak chinese. For god sake majority of my friends are chinese and I am learning chinese to. All i was saying is that when they talk and I try to talk they ingnor me. Iv done a lot for our friendship but I think they dont want to see that. Well technially one friend the other one feels wierd if she is in the same room as me and CL.

I learn some things these few weeks. Like what CL and JC said just becasue CL doesnt show that he cares they way I woudl like it, doesnt mean he does not care. I agree with it, I was to stupid before to turely understadn it but now I am also using this same logic for other parts fo life. Like; Just becasue I accpeted everyone for their faults and looked passed the times I felt uncofroatble, they might not do the same to me. I realized not everyone is like CL who will accpet me no matter what. I also learn that when it comes to the gay community and JC I need to be a diffrent person. These past few weeks I learn many things, to much to write here. Maybe next post I will write it.

I wish they would also realize I m changeing it takes time to also. Im changing little by little. I do not want to lose myslef. If they knew me from the beinging of when I was getting into the gay world 3 years ago I am totally different.

These past few weeks I have not been sleeping well and not eating enough. This shows that Im really depressed and that Im thinking. I havent been like this since high school. I was depressed for like 4 months when I lost my good friend. When Im depressed I cant eat anything becasue it taste nasty to me for some reason. I should be glad I m not one of the people who eat a lot when they are sad or depressed. In my life as much saddness I get I would be like 500lbs. I cant sleep all I do is cry myself to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night. I also dont have energy to do anything no motivation.

Well I have six months to figure out what to do. Go back to Korea or stay in the US. I got a job offer to work at the courts translating here in the Bay area, and a job offer to tranlstae back in Korea. Should I go back to Korea were I know Im welcome by friends and can find a lover, or stay in the US, with most of the gay community hating me and not find a lover, a place were its better to work.

Drama & NYS

2011-01-06T20:13:00.001-08:00

hey guys,

I hope you all had a great xmas and new years, mine was so so. I did nothing for new years just stayed home in bed wacth movies. I really do not see the point of celbrating a new year. I dont really care just another day of life. Xmas I went to dinner with LC ZT, JC and MCV. After that we went to Shangrila at end up. Than Drama happend.

We went to some place called Velvet something. It was a nice place but the food was crap. It was not worth the 75$ per person. ZT gave me what they have but when we got there they had a different menu. IT was some special xmas menue. I was mad becasue beofre I came I knew what I wanted and they didnt have what I wanted. I know ZT was trying to do something nice but still you need to learn that here in US just because a place looks nice doesnt mean the food is.

Shangrila would have been fun if I didnt get mad at everyone, well at one person. But inside my heart I was mad at everyone just blaming it on one person. People will never understand me. I dont blame them thats their way but I believe you should be able to accpet others faults, and who they are. I know i hate many things but I dont try to change that person or that thing.

School starts in 20Days my last semester. I need to figure out what I am going to do. School ends in May giving me little time to figure out if I should stay here or go back. I dont want to go, but I have to look at the pros and cons. The sad thing is that there are more pros for going going back to Korea and only a few pros for staying here. Also there are few cons for going back and so many cons for staying. I want to stay here becasue of LC my close friend, I really do not want to leave him.

We will see soon.

Happy Holidays

2010-12-22T16:37:00.001-08:00

Dear Readers,

Hey sorry for the long wait, I was very busy with last research papers and studying for the finals. So was not able to write up a new blog on my life. I bet you missed the pictures I put up and for the ones who actually read my blog missed whats going on in my life.

So CL came back from China, I was vary happy, but he is so different now. I hope our friendship doesnt change that much. I have not really been in the mood to club that much. I have been going to GAMEBOI and I did go to the last SHANGRILA last month. Other than that dont feel like doing that. I like just chilling at a friends house having a few sake shots and drinking wine. Thats what I have become a clam like person.

Of course my life is single as ever but I think thats good. Well some of my friends dont believe I am over CL which is kinda of getting old and anyoying. If I do or not is no ones busniess.

I have stop with drugs last month I got a real strong one. Thank god I did not OD but it was strong I couldnt take it, I felt like throwing up and couldnt breath. My friend JC was like omg I never seen you and ZT before like this. SO this was my stop on this. I was never a drug crazy manic. I only did it a few time a month but I m over that stuff.

So I have one more semster left of school than I graduate. I will have to take two class during the summer which is PE. PE class are not that hard but when you have 5 class it is very hard. They take time away from your studying and it gets tiring. Well I hope everyone has a great holiday vaction.

Becasue its break of course I will only update once a week. Not much happens during the week so I will try to updat on monday like a I had plan to. I knwo today is Wed but was relaxing after the final since I had my last final Friday the 17. I need to mently recover.

Lets hope some intresting things happens during my vaction, my life right now is so boring haha.

2010-11-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

Hey Readers,

My life has become partialy drama free. During the halloween weekend I went with my didi (CC) who I go to school with. He invited me to a party up in the hills in San Jose. I know staying in the south very wierd. We played games drank a little had fun. Lots of straight boys did some intresting things to me when we were playing dare or double dare. Yeah kinda of high school but the girls there wanted those straight boys to do some gay things haha. So why not and my didi help them out fing out their sexuality haha.

Been not that busy with school. Not going away for the weekend has really help with me getting homework. Of course I dont do much druing the weekend but still I feel more relax.

This past weekend on Friday I went to Castro with VT gege which I have not hangout with since my birthday dinner last year. I would see him at the clubs here and there but we finally hangout for a change. It was nice got to see another guy whos also Taiwanese who I think is cute and looks like a Korean actor haha. His female friend was very pretty. Than on Sunday I met my didi CC and wacth SAW VI it was a ok movie. You can tell they just wanted to show a lot of blood stuff on 3D they kind over did it.

I did not go to Taiwan and Hong Kong like I was supposed to but its ok. I will plan my trip for next year in a good time that wont piss of my teachers. Well I will make sure I dont have any Indian teachers since they are so crappy teachers.

Later Readers

October in 1 Post

2010-10-26T21:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry for late post. Well I will go thorugh the my past month since the next post will be in next month. The weekend of the 8th I went to ZT house to spend the weekend we had a lot of things plan. We went to gameboi which was the 9th. It was really fun. Than we spent most of the time just relaxing.

The fallowing weekend the 15th I had my bday dinner with a couple of friends, we jsut drank a lot at the house and joke talk stories and so on. Than I stayed up in SF the whole weekend with friends doing some relaxing stuff at JC house. Than on monday the 18th which was my bday I took off school and hanged out with my mom we went for lobster and than some shopping however nothing is cute here.

Lately I have been trying to catch up on a lot of homework well readings. I try do as much as I can during the week but never do on any on the weekend becasue Im usally up in SF. But now that my friends go to Taiwan and HK tomorrow I will be able to do something things this weekend and next weekend which will be good. I will try to get really ahead so that when they come back I can hang out.

I was supposed to go to Taiwan and HK also but while I was taking my midterm for HIST 170 - Topics in America the firealram went off so it moved that midterm to the next day which than move the 2nd midterm into the date of my vaction. I ask her if I can do after I come back or do it before she said nope you will fail class. This bitch is so stupid. I told her the beginning of school that I will be going on a vaction. And now she doesnt want to work me. All my other teacher were find with it but her. So I had to cancell. I was going to go to the Gay pride there to. Well life is just life.

Well some of you probally are woundering were the old korean polish boi who used to write all the stuff before. Well I dont care anymore about the gay people here anymore. I have a few good friends and that is enough. I dont need a boyfriend or even sex. I have given up on this area. I mean people still talk shit about me but who doesnt have anything about them going around. It seems when you are in the gay world like clubbing, bars. and other things, people seem to talk about you even if they dont know you.

They even are starting to talk about one of my good friends who is the niceist person who has never said anything bad. SO fuck up that these people are still acting like kids from middle and high school. I know I have said some stuff you guys would call inmature but I say things to people who do bad things to me. The only time I will fake being nice to someone, is when I can get something out of it. Like people who work sometimes in the workforce to advanced you have to do things. I cant believe I wrote so much today. Well I m off. I will try to write again tomorrow if I can. These past few days I have gotton a lot of things done before bed time.

Later

Parties, Relaxing, Educational...

2010-10-06T17:40:00.001-07:00

Hey Readers,

Long time no wirte huh. Sorry about that. With taking 5 class I have been so busy with homework. Chinese takes a long time to study at least 14 hours a week. Yes it is a lot. My other class thank god are just readings so I dont really have much homework. Once inawhile a teacher will have some kinda of question homework but I only have had about 2 or 3.

Last month I did a lot of fun thought. Friday the 24th I went with CV and his date BV. CV force me to go a oprea. I love the oprea but it was at AT&T park. It was free the wine was crap. But after that we went to Trigger becasue we got on the VIP llist but no table. We got really drunk I had like 5 shots of patron there than we went to Dragon, got to see old friends. Had a shot again than another shoot with MCV. We went to to MCV and JC house because we were hungry. CV cooked for us he is one good cook. CV keeps biting me the whole night while MCV is going around saying crunching tiger and he does some wierd move it was so funny.

Sat we just hanged out in the city for the 4am party we were going to which was Shock. We went home around 10 in the morning. It was all good. So some old friends there to.

This past weekend we just hanged around the house. I went to JC houses and we ate dinner and drank a lot of sake. Me and her could not feel it so we just kept dranking while ZT and MCV are just tired of drinking. Than sunday we went to The Acdamy of Science place it was really nice. So I can have a relaxing weekend.

Other than that nothing new in my life at all. No dating or talking to guys. And its not becasue of school, becasue its no longer summer. I only can get some gusy during the summer well talking to guys. No one answears me or sends me msg during the other seasons. So funny.

Well I hope you all doing good and sorry for the late reply.

Fun Weekend and Harsch Schooling

2010-09-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Well had an intresting weekend. Friday I had dinner and movie in S.F with ZT and CV. We saw Resident Evil in 3D which was ok. Some parts were intresting and some where like omg did you really need to put that in here. They dont need to make anymore. After the movie we went to Trigger had a few more drinks since we drank 2 bottles of Sake early.

The next day CV, ZT and I went to have diner with JC and her husband and son before we went to GAMEBOI. Omg so much fun but so many kids haha. Got to see so many people that I knew. Had a great time.

School has been so busy. I am droping the 2 PE class becasue I just cant do it. Taking 5 class and do HW and these class is to much. Taking the class is not bad just that PE takes an hour and 40 mins away from the time I should be studying. Of course there is weekend but I am in SF on the weekend. I need to have time to rest. I know there are people who dont have fun when they are in school but if I cant take a break from school than I will mentaly crash. I do good in school becasue of it. I dont have to study hard or try hard, becasue I give my mentalness a break from the harsch of school.

Return of Gameboi SF

2010-08-16T15:55:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

how was everyone weekend, I hope it was great. Me of course did nothing on friday. Yep I hav not gone to DRAGON for a long time haha. That place is getting so old.

Well on Sat. I met ZT and MS ( he is a new friend ) we went to have lunch at a Taiwnaese Resturant in Cupertino. It was good. We went to see the movie Undisstructable. I didnt want to see that movie becasue I saw a Jet Li in it. Who is my fave guy hes so cut even though he is getting old I still love him haha. I thought he was going to die becasue in those kinds of movies He usally dies. If he is not the Main star in the movie he dies like in that cop movie from the early 90s.

Than after the movie we had Shanghai food in Milpitas. Had my duck hehe, I love duck it taste so good. After that Oh yeah we went to the mall also. At Great mall it was ok. So many cuties there. later that night we went to the Return of Gameboi SF. WOW there was so many kids haha cute though. Some of them look older than 18 but didnt have the 21+ wristband. I was like what hell.

You could tell we were in a 18+ club becasue they way they dance is so different than when you go to grow ups clubs omg. Me and ZT were also like what hell they have boyfriends. But we felt like we were the old popular guys becasue of the VIP area we were in. LOL I saw so many people I knew. Later we went to END UP which was ok.

Well later guys.

VT Bday Party

2010-08-09T19:26:00.001-07:00

Hey Guys, Boys, & Girls who love gays,

Well like I said I will post every monday and here I am. I had a vary intresting weekend. I went to go see my bff ZT on saturday we had a late lunch in Daly city right next to where my mom works. than went to the movie. We saw Step up in 3D it was good. Me and ZT want to look find a club like that. Where everyone just dances haha.

Sunday was intresting. We had to get up at 530am becasue our friend VT birthday party at END UP. It was so fun. didnt get home till like 5pm. I was so tired. Well I am still working out wish me all good luck. Well me and ZT are going to do some healthy stuff stop the clubbing haha.

Nothing much happing.

2010-08-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Sorry for the really long wait you guys. I have been so busy with doing nothing haha. Well Cl is in China. I took him to the airport a few weeks ago. I cried when he left haha. Im so dramatic sometimes lol.

Well me and ZT have been hanging out a lot. We go clubbing and just hanging out. I went to Santa Cruz the weekend before after clubbing at Shangrila. That never doing again haha. Than this past weekend ZTs friend came here from siingapore and we hang out he is a relly nice a guy, and cute.

Well I really do not know what to wriet here since Iv been doing the same as ever. Havnt been going to Dragon except for the weekend before CL left for China. Dragon has become dead latly. They are bring Gamiboi back to SF again. I wounder why the stop it in the first place.

Pride weekend & Hes not in ur league

2010-07-02T17:18:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Well I went to pride it was fun, Firday night i went to dragon however i threw up to much drinking. Never mix soju and other drinks togther. If you going to start drinking soju stay with it dont change another drink.

Than on saturday i went to colossus that was fun also. However I was alone again. CL was hangout with his ex who he used to love,and ZT was with his date. And I was alone. The shandong guy doesnt go to any of things. I took to many candy about 5 in such a short time. I wanted to have fun so thats why I took so many never going to that again.

Sunday we went to the beach we didnt get to see the prade its ok. The beach was nice however I was alone once again on the beach everyone had someone except for me. I swear my life is so boring.

CL doesnt understand why I am moody or the way I am. Come on someone who doesnt have a date never a bf and is aournd people who seem to have someone and kissing, how do you think someone who is alone is going to feel. I know now he will never understand me.

The shandong guy is so retared. I ask him why he thinks Im cute and why he likes me and he say I will let u know in year if we are still together. I can read between the lines he just wants sex. So I am not going to deal with that guy anymore. I think the reason why I am is becasue CL was my last hope. I had said this before in many blogs. But he was my last hope and since it will never happend between me and him. I have given up on the gay world.

I think thats why I can be with the shandong guy. I had like CL for a whole year. Its not easy for me to stop liking someone or liking someone new when I already like someone. Of course i dont like CL anymore becasue I have came to terms about the future between us, so just being good friends is good enough, however, he was my last hope.

I read this blog on downelink it was very intresting to read but very truthful. I wish my friends could understand this but they dont.

He's Out of His League 2 by:Downlink Member

Someone said that “If someone you love and loves you, they’ll love you for who you are, not how you look”. YES that’s an ideal way to perceive things. God knows I wish that were the whole story, but it’s not. I wanted to stop and write this blog for you guys before I get back out there.

So instead of explaining my theory, why don’t I just ask someone I was seeing to test if looks and love go hand in hand. He was good looking, buff, and a nice guy. A good candidate for this experiment:

Tony: Hey can I ask you a question

X: Yea sure

Tony: So if I had been out of shape back then, would you have gone out with me haha

X: Like if you were unattractive or chunky? Yea, it’s your personality that matters, and you always made me laugh. (A nice answer, but NOT the whole story)

Tony: You know how we have that pact to be honest, well that applies regardless if we’re together or not. Now really think about it. You go to the gym every day, you go for a reason. You’d really be with me even if I wasn’t in shape? Give me the answer I’m going to be needing from you

X: Hmm. You really want to know.

Tony: Yup, only the truth, the real deal answer. No sugar coating about life, we don’t do that.

X: I guess IF you hadn’t looked the way you looked, then I guess you being funny or interesting wouldn’t have mattered. You being in shape, made us fit together more. If I had been hotter than you, then there would be no way people would have felt we were a match. My friends would have commented against it. We would have gone nowhere. Imagine how cruel it would have been to let you watch me get hit on, while you would be standing in the backseat at parties or clubs.

X: So why are you asking about this hypothetical.

Tony: Its cause I wanted to show that even with a nice guy like you whose good looking, the rules still apply. I wanted to get it straight from the horse’s mouth.

X: Then I hope I was helpful. It’s unfortunate but I have to say that how we look, definitely affects who we love or get to love.

Anyways, I know some of you might like this, some of you might not like this. But I feel as though, it is important to remind you of the truth, not of what’s ideal, but what’s realistic.

So when someone tells me, “That person will love you for who you are, and not how you look”. That’s because you have to take into consideration that that person isn’t out of your league, that’s why you’re their match, and that is why they love you, because they accept that your looks match their standard requirement and then allows them to focus your personality.

If I am wrong about my assessment, and you disagree, then I’m glad. Cause you live in a much easy going world than I do. Live there as long as you can and I wish you the best.

When it comes to me I usally endup liking FOBS, probally because I am one too even though I look like something else. But its there personality not thier body becasue the people I like they usally are different types of body. Auctaully I never liked a guy who had a body like the guys I put up on my blog just normal avareage guys. I am going to try to work hard on my body so I can get in the league of these gay people. And fuck with thier minds let them feel how it feels to be in pain. Like they say what goes around comes around.

Gay Pride This Weekend

2010-06-24T13:39:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Its been a while since I have worte in here. Not much is happing in my life except for lots of partying with CL and ZT hehe. This weekend is Gay pride weekend. Which will be my fist pride. I am going to dragon on friday, Colossus on Saturday and I hope the prade on Sunday. So much partying.

Well right now I have been seeing this Shandong guy he is really nice but a freak in the bed haha. He is 6'1, 24, and hes very smart. The funny thing is that hes not in the gay world at all like I am. I ask him you dont go clubbing and you dont have gay friends, so, why you date me. He said its ok. He says hes str8 guy and that im cute and like a girl. Why does everyone say that. I act like a typical asian guy from asia. But my mentality is like a girl. I want to be there for my man.

However I wasnt really there for him on the weekend last week or this week. He was like you spend time with your friends more than me. But I had all this plan out like amonth ago. Last weekend I went river rafting near Cash Creek, it was nice. So I couldnt hangout with him. I was like I am sorry but I already promise my friends. The sad thing is a treat my friends better than my bfs. Plus I dont want to get to close to this guy. Just in case hes one of those looser who just want sex. I am not going to deal with any more gay bullshit. So taking my time and not getting a lot of emotion invloved.

No More

2010-06-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

My life is doing ok. Nice summer break finally the weather is nice to go out and do something. I hope everyone is doing good in this lovely summer season. Well I have been hanging out with my friends every weekend about. Been trying to have fun. this Weekend is JieJies(TZ) bday. My friendship with CL is good. His name kind of sounds like a perfume haha. I just relized that.

This month is Gay month. I hope to go to Pride this year didnt get to go to pride last year. I need to go to one. Maybe I will see different about gay people.

Well I said before I had given up on LOVE and I have. I dont care about LOVE as much as I want to feel love again. I know that when it comes to the gay world, it doesnt exist. It exist for some but not all. Becasue in gay relationships there a lot of these open realtionship or ones were guys bring in a 3rd once inawhile, what they like to call spice up the relationship. Me I can not do that, so since I cant I will just be proud to have my hand with me haha.

I think to mcuh about stuff girl thinks about, Im also trying to chnage that. I feel like if I dont I wont have any friends anymore. Jiejie and GeGe could end up forgeting about me and stop dealing with me. I wish my biggest fear was not being alone. And I dont mean by lover but being alone with out friends and no one. I hate that more than ever. but enough of this drama, this weekend at jiejies bday Im going to try to be open and a good boi no drama.

Wish me all luck.

Final Week

2010-05-16T02:54:00.000-07:00

hey guys,

Well I just finshed my last research paper. Tommrow I will turn it in and take my Eastern Religion in class essay. Wed I have my Global Economy class, chinese Final, friday turn in the take home essay part of my Eastern Religon class. Than on monday I will have my population climate change class presentation. AFter that I will be done for this smester. Thank god. I hope to have a nice summer break with friends.

After finshed my paper I finshed wacthing an ep. of Tori and Dean, where Tori did her friends wedding. I cried becasue I will never have one. Even if gays are allowed to get married with my track record with guys it will never happend.

I am just like a gril no wounder CL calls me meimei and that I woudl be a great house wife. He said that when we spent the night at TZ house. I cleaned his place. And CL was like you will make your boyfriend happy. But I will never be able to this.

I am to much like a girl. Iv always had a nanny when I grew up. I stop having a nanny when I was 14. I alwasy been around women so the way I think and my emotions are really like a gril.

One of my friend said I shoudl stop seeing wacthing dramas since its always about love and I wont cry. but just like Charmed, Piper went through so much to be with Leo. So no matter what you wacth a love like situation is going to be in a show. the only thing out there that doesnt have sad love stuff is porn, cartoons, and some relity shows.

I think the reason why I cried on this ep, is because that guy I dated text me saying " Hi Jun, I know you hate me, but I would like to apolodies for alll the errors I have done. thannk you :D" Yes he put a smile at the end of it. I have given up on man. In this gay world (bay area) I can not find what I want or will ever get what I want. Now I know why on most gay personal sites they have a question there asking would you be willing to move for your love.

I was talking to person I met through TZ,he is MG. He is a smart nice kid. He was telling ma that where he is right now, there is not that many drama there in the gay world. Why do Bay Area gays and LA gays have to be this way. Why can they not be so slutty bicthy. I feel a lot of the gays here are missing out on something that woudl make them feel good. I find it funny most gays love thier mom to death and woudl do anything for them yet they love to be like str8 guys in their mid live crsis.

Almost over

2010-05-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

Sorry for the long wait for a new post, some of you are porbally wondering whats been happening in this boys life. I have been so busy with school since its towards the end of the month. I had a research paper due on April 28 and a midterm in that same class. I did so bad on the midterm but good on the paper. Teacher is so messed up wanted a big paper and midterm on the same day. I mean I like the class world of the eocnomy, its fun but dam.

Just finshed my last big research paper for my Population and climate change class that was also hard. I want to die. I just ended up rewording everying. I cant belive I turn it in and got no high light s of plagrism. Now I just have one paper left which is 4-5 pages so not so bad. Study for Chinese and my Eastern Religon class and The World of the economy my other two class dont have finals. The eastern religion one is a take home final I love those.

Well one of my ex friends MF is out of my life. God I hate him. I hear so much stuff about him, its funny. Hes a size queen and he is very bias. I know some people think I am racist or bias but nothing like him. He thinks that only Asian are good looking and that other races are ugly. For me I am very picky about other races but there are a few preety and hoties out there in those races. this kid is 22 but acts like 16 year old so sad. But now I know why he was always that way to me. Becasue I am 75 Kroean and dont look it he would always make me feel and look bad. why kind of friend is like that. I no longer have a school friend to hang out when I am bored or bff anymore but I still have CL and my one friend at school CC who can only hang out once inawhile. At least there are some good people left.

Well nothing else is happing in my life so I dod not know what to write sorry guys. I know you want something to read.

I had enough

2010-04-19T00:48:00.000-07:00

Hi guys,

Well heres another say story to put in this blog. If any of you read my previouse post you will know what I am talking about but if you dont sorry that you might be lost.

Well we all know I like CL but there was this guy in December that I dated. Was trying to get over CL becasue I knew there would not be any chance with me and him. This guy I saw him for 4 weeks, he said he was not ready for a relationship and that he has to deal with himself first before he could get in one. Well I know that is all lies. I like how this happend after I gave him what he wanted. He took my 2 years and half virginty. The sad thing is i could have like the guy.

Know I know I need to becareful what peoplel say. He said all the things he woudl always complement me, say how perfect I am and so on. The sad thing is that the guy he is dating is one of my close friends. WEll I thought. I am sorry but I would never date any of my close friends crushs, guys they have dated, or had something with. That is wrong in my book. I am starting to think that is commmon in the gay world here. I ask my Korean friends they would not do that to their close friends.

I am really sick of this gay world. I wounder if I still have those people who used to read my old blog read this one. So much bad stuff happens to me.
For new readers, if you want to know more read "Past dates & Guys I liked" (8/3/09). It just seem to be a pattern guys I like ended up liking my friend or dont like me at all, or my friends like the guy I like. I know I am FUCKING KOREAN BUT I DONT WANT TO BE IN A FUCKING KOREAN DRAMA ANYMORE. I have given up on the gay world now, I am going to be a bitter mean ass bitch. I dopnt care anymore about people, friends, school, anything. Fuck life.

LA TRIP

2010-04-07T16:24:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys,

My spring break was last week, which was so boring. All I did was stay home, however I did go to LA this past week with CL and LM. We drove down there which was nice. I got to see nice parts of cailfronia. It was really pretty.

So that friday we went to Rage aka GameBoi which was ok. To many little kids. After it ended we went to Mickeys. CL is so wierd some times. Like he tooks some drugs which I got mad at him for. He try to put his arm around my shoulderI would move away. He than was like I dont want to go now. Meimei is mad at me. Kinda of wierd we are just friends. I ended up takeing a few candies. SO I let it go.

The Next day we went to Santa Monica for shopping. It was ok the style down there is not my style at all. We went to eat Korean Tofu, I pretended to be mad at CL and he was like I dont want to go clubbing now because someone is mad at me and doesnt want me around them anymore. I love pissing him off. HAHA Than we went to Reflexs I believe. I took one candy because I didnt get drunk enough. CL found out and was like ok I can take some too. He did and in the club we dance for a bit. And he said to me meimei I love you. I told him I love him too.

While in this club, really after party, a Korean guy was trying to hit on my friend so cute hehe, and the Korean guys friend came up to me and ask me if I was Korean(He is also Korean), we introduce eachother he gave me a kiss on the cheek. This guy was hot too. He was tall, nice body, a little facial hair. He reminded me of this Korena actor. Then when he was going home he came to his friend gave him a hug, gave CL a hug, than he grab my head and kiss me on the lips, he had nice lips. HEHE. To bad the guy has a bf. I was so shock since nothing like that has ever happend to me. I do plan on go to LA again even thought they are rude bitches, but the party sence down there is better than the SF sence.

I have a probelem with the LA gays though. I thought SF area were stuck up bitches but compare to LA gays, nothing in comparsion. At least in the SF when people try to pass you in the club the put the hand on your shoulder or say exusse me, where as in La the freaking push you out the way. I was like oh hell no. Rude as mother fuckers. The way they walk is to much flame. There were not many male acting ones but there are a lot of young gay guys down there.

Me and CL have deceide to quite the drugs. No more smoking either. We are going to be good bois. SO wish us good luck. Drugs are esay to stop but smoking is hard. Ciggrites are so good.

CL Knows and my Life is still K-Drama

2010-03-21T01:35:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

I hope you all had a great St. Pantrics day. I did nothing of course. But study for test. Thank god this week is my last weekk before Spring Break. Yae for me. I can't wait to go to LA for spring break.

On Saturday the 11th I and CL went to Heaven it was ok, but we left and ended up going to Castro. It was really fun it was just me and CL. We are really close but the only closet it will get is a brother and sister like relationship. He calls me meimei(lil sis) and I call him gege(elder bro).

Well last weekend was very intresting and kinda of sad. I hang out with CL and his friend. We went shopping in SF before we went to the Castro. We got really drunk at trigger. Then we spend the night at his friend's house this one is a really nice guy. But a mutual frined of me and CL, a guy I like before CD(my bffs ex), text me and him. I did not knwo this but it looks like CD liked CL. God why do I feel like I am in a Korean drama.

So the text to me was saying I was a smart and good guy and that I should stop giving. And he text him saying that he should stop hanging out with guys who like him and stop trying to be inooccent. The text he gave me did not upset me but the one he sent to CL did. After that CL ask me if I still like him. I said yes. He thought becasue I was young he thought I like many guys and go from one to another really fast.

But we all knwo thats not the case. We had a long talk. But I knew it would not change anything, however, this whole week I was affriad of lossing him as a friend. But he called me yesterday today hangout we went to Dragon and had fun. Slept at his friends house again. Same guy from last week. Thank god our friendship did not change.

I just wish I could find a guy who I can like. I was on downelink the other day. And a guy msg me. He talk to me for about 20mins. We talk about eachother than all of a sudden he msg me about those webcam naked things. I was so pissed. The bay area sucks so much. All I get is guys who want me to see them on those stupid webcam sites, old guys who want to have sex with me. No one around my age wants me here.

Even at the clubs I see guys go up to other guys and my friends making out with people. I can not do this but it would be nice if a guy did that to me. I want to be more gay or in this case more open. I wish I was not so old fashion and conservtative.

Well I will witre again later. I go back now to living a Korean Drama life with no happy ending.

Why does my heart always have to Break.

2010-03-06T19:15:00.000-08:00

Hey Guys,

How is everyone doing. I hope well. Me of course been so busy with studying so much. My chinese Class is killing me, but I love learning it. I did go to dragon last night which I have not been there for a month. There were some cuties there. There were two guys who are in the 40's but they look good.

I made a few friends at SJSU which is good, I dont feel so alone now. I was doing good for awhile. But this single life and not worrying about having someone is very hard. I think its because I hang out with CL to much. Being around him makes me like him more. I knwo he doesnt like me. And when he gets a boyfriend it will be hard, but I think I can handle it.

I really do not know if he knows I like him. My friend told him long ago but thats when he was seeing someone. He could have forgot that I like him since that was last year in the summer or he thinks I moved on. I really do not know.

Last night I picked him up we went to Dragon and than we went to one of his old friend's house who is a bitch. He was so mean to me. The guy also kept asking me do I like CL and he was like I can see it and would not stop asking me. I told him Im not going to tell you. He was like Yes or No, I said not going to say anything. He made me feel really uncomfortable. But CL kept defending me which was good. We end up sleeping there. We slept on same bed in the middle of the night his arm was on top of my chest. My heart kept pounding.

The sad thing about me is that I am like a girl, I think. Even though I talk shit about how gay people are sometiems I wish I was just like them. Just kiss a guy at the club or anything. But to me doing things like that makes me feel like a whore. Like CL said to me in the car that wow your face looks so good like a girl. And that he like my hair the way it was. He also told me that emotional Im like a girl. So said for a guy like me.

This seems to be always my life when it comes to love. I end up likeing the wrong guys. Guys who will never get with me. I only get a few guys who like me one is of course is bottom guys, but thats hard since my mentality is like a girl and the fact that Im a bottom. Also old white guys and I mean old 40+, one guy who is the same age as my mother was trying to get with me, thats so wrong. For me I have a 10 years+ from my age and only one year - of my age. Dont forget VA he was so into me but he told me after he got to know me he only saw me as a friend. I thought he knew me. He wants a guy who just like him. he is very sociable, but people have told me he that tries to hard and that its way to sociable. But what ever men just suck.

Funny Profiles

2010-02-20T00:56:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

I had a great time last weekend. It was CL's bday so we went to Modern Thai to met up with his friends for dinner thats was intresting. I am not really into thai food but majority of the gay people here really love thai food. I wonder is it becasue they are so open or what. I am very picky about what I eat. The only thing I like at thai food resturants is Mango and Stickyrice basically the desert haha.

Well after that we went clubbing that was fun we were way to drunk and since I pick him up we ended up sleeping the car for awhile. We party again on Sunday at Ruby Sky aka FRESH that was fun also. Than we went to Castor to Trigger I love that place hehe. Got drunk again. I can not believe so much fun hehe.

You know what I find funny on the internet, is reading profiles on gay sites. The reason they are so funny is becasue majority of it is all bullshit. Dont get me worng there are honest people on the net but not many.

I dont care about finding a boyfriend or anything anymore. If he comes he comes and no I am not waiting becasue people say that if you stop looking he will come. Its becasue I have given up on the gay world here. But when I read these profiles I laugh becasue the type of guy they like is right here. But becasue I do not have a body like these models I am atomatically out of the race. They say they dont care but we all know thats bullshit.

CL told me when he put his picture up of himself on the msn icon, a half naked pic so many people messaged him and were like long time no see and whatever. He relaized that majority of the gays here really do care about body. I have know this for a long time. I dont care at all about body and if having a body like models is the only thing between me getting a boyfriend than fuck that shit.

People need to like people for who they are not their outer shell. This is the reason why gay people are look down upon. Caring about body and the fact that not many want to be in a relationship, and I mean a monogomas relationship. There was an article about that and it said 70% of gays believe that to keep a relationship going you need to have it open sometimes.

Another funny thing is that gay people jusge way to much. CL told me that people had said I was stuck up and what not. He told them no I wasnt and that I am a sweet guy with a very nice heart. The reason for this is becasue I am being misunderstood.

The Shy Extrovert - By Jay Dixit

When someone's shy, we often assume they're introverted. Shyness often does go along with introversion–but not always. Some people who get anxious among strangers actually love being around others–whereas true introverts find people exhausting. Like other shy people, shy introverts are routinely misunderstood as cold, aloof, or stuck-up. They're particularly likely to be judged negatively if they're also attractive, says Bernie Carducci, a psychologist at Indiana University.

When I met people I am vert respectful, I bow and shake there hand. I dont really talk to much untill I feel comfortable around them. I dont see why this is bad. Majority of gay people are very open and just say hi to everyone like you are friends from long ago but that is not me at all. I think people here are just way to libral for me.

I also judge people to but becasue I have been so judge so much and so alone I have become an observer, well I have been on for a very longtime. And my friends have told me when it comes to reading people I have been 100% right. I need to read people see how they are before being comfortable around them. I am shy but once I get to know you I am open are if you put a drink in my hand get me drunk I can be very open. I do it for protecting and to not waste my time with fake people.

However, I dont care anymore if people like me or not. Life right now is for me to study and to have fun when I can. Can not wait to go on the LA Spring Break Trip with CL, BFF, TZ its going to be so fun.

Busy...Busy...Busy

2010-02-12T14:04:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

Long time...I really wish I could make a blog entry every other day. But this semster is going to be hard really busy with school. I have 5 class and had to buy 15 freaking books. This semester teachers are insane. Valetines is coming up and also Chinesse New Years.

Well for me it sucks right now, I cant eat anything Korean food, well some but since most is spicy I can not. My whole intestints can not digest anything. I went to the doctor yesterday she said I have to not eat certain foods for awhile sucks as hell. I want kimchee haha.

A lot has happend fo course. A few weeks ago I went to Castro with LC it was fun. CAFE is the best. Dragon is gettinng so old. However I did go to Dragon last friday it was really pack and there was inprovement in the quality of guys haha. But the place itself is ugly. I feel like its one of the old bars back in Asia in the hiden section.

I know I said that I was going to stop partyinng but its hard. But sinceI figure out a way to study at school so that I can party on the weekend. So Monday-Thursday Im at school from 10AM - 8:30PM. Some of the class are very intresting. And some of theacers are funny even though they made us students get many books.

My Class:
GEOG 115 - Population and Global Change
GEOG 121 - Global Economy
HUM 100W - Writing for the Hummanties
CHIN 1A - Chinesse Elemntary (Manderian)
AISA 70B - Eastern Religion

Well I have change a lot. I dont care anymore about finding a guy anymore, of course I still like LC but having him as a really close friend, its awsome. So the fact that we will never be like lovers is ok for me. Becasue I will be going back to Korea but even there I never cared about having a BF or anything. So here is nothing to me anymore. Im going to finsh school. These past few weeks I just want to have fun. But dont get me worng I will not sleep around.

Well later guys I hope you have a great weekend.

Last party b4 skewl

2010-01-22T11:45:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

Well I had a a fun MLK weekend, been resting all this week so I can have fun again this saturday at Shangrila. I start school this tuesday so I want to have fun before I have to take life in to the are of studying.

Sunday I went to Fresh at Ruby Sky. Was tipsy when I went that was fun at some times. So many good looking people where there, than went to Sanctuary. So many parties. I than took E at Sanctuary. I was only going to take one but the pill didnt kick in at all. I was so pissed. than I got a capsule that one I will never take again. I dont know how my bff can take that. It was so high for me. I threw up when the high came in.

I need to take a break from drugs and just go to drinks. When I am drunk I say stupid shit. Some of it not making any sense at all. But drugs are geting a little out of hand. Plus I need to save money. December I spent way to much on my self and giving some of my friends money. I dont mind let friends bother money. But want to save money in genreal.

This semester I am taking 5 class. SJSU is crappy school. Its hard to find class and trying to get the ones you want. School offices here are so dumb they are so unorgainzed.

Well I hope you had a good week and ready for the weekend.

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE

Missing Home

2010-01-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

My HomeTown
Hey guys,

People can be so stupid here sometimes. Someone told me that people are saying that I had said I was full Korean. But when people introduce me some of them say half and I just say its 75%. And my bff when he introduce me to people, hes says Im the Korean. Since people think he is Korean. I think people just think that mix people only live in USA. All around the world there are many mix people with races that know one would ever know. And that I am Korean. I was born in Korea im 75%Korean, speak Korean, still have Korean citizenship so that makes Korean. No different form a Chinese person born in America he is American.
Pic of Baseball Team from my home town

For example that girl in China who is half black, who wanted to sing, and they were really being racist to her. The funny thing is that I never get the racist or sterytypical bull crap in Korea thai I get here. It makes no sense at all, you would think more there than here. The reason why I bring this up is becasue I found another reason why I can get a guy here. They guy who told me that he heard this said they would say that I look more european than Asian. Well of course I got my eyse and nose done. But that people are thinking I am lying abouot who I am is the reason why I can not get someone. No one wants to date a liar.

They gay world here well the Gay Asian Bay Area World is so talktive and like to start shit. Its getting old. These guys need to grow up. Sometimes I feel like I am in high school that you see on TV and movies. High school was never like that for me. All races come in different shapes and size. During these times when people doubt my race or make fun of me becasue of the way I look really makes me wish my friend was still here with me(god rest his soul). He was full Chinese born in China came here to the USA when he was like 11 or 10 but he look like he was from central america. Having someone who is going through the same stuff and talking with them makes you feel better about yourself. Becasue its different when your from different worlds talking to someone.
Pic of a Movie about my hometown

Well on friday C.L called me to go out to party becasue he really wanted to party. So I picked him up we went to Dragon. This is were I heard this bullshit. I had fun. I was dancing and that guy I was dating, well I should say just a sex wanting person was there. On the phone later that night he told me he just wanted to be fuck buddies. What the fuck was that I am cute and like everything about me! I am not into that. Only relationship for me. C.L met him and said I could do better. I told him yes, I can only if I go back to Korea and pick out one of the guys out of 5. Most likey my ex since he is still waiting for me to go back. But C.L doesnt want me to go back.

We went to Densiy after and talk. Everything he wants in a guy is right in front of him(me). He even told me he likes my skin color. He also said when he holds me he feels safe. He does things and says things that he was interested in me. But he of course is seeing someone. I did cry a little on my way home after droping him off but not so much like I would in the past. The good thing is that I am a lot stronger to handle this. Before I would be sad and depressed for many days. But I know can handdle my emotions. I think I was crying becasue of the sad songs that were on. Iv learn that my guy is not here so I need to go back. Iv also learn how gay people are here. The same things happen to me way to much.

Picture of my hometown

Happy New Years and Happy Birthday MOM

2010-01-05T18:03:00.001-08:00

Hey guys,

Happy New Years everyone. I hope you all had a great xmas and new years. I had an interesting xmas and new years.

Well on xmas day I just slept. Since xmas is a lover holiday to a lot of Asian and some other cultures, there was no point of me doing anything or even getting up since I am single. However the next day I went to Shangrila on the 26th in the city. I went with a guy that I have been talking to for awhile. But I do not like him at all. Probably because I still like C.L. The guy is really nice and smart guy but hes just not my type at all.

Well at Shangrila we took CANDY he only had one, me had 4. We didn't leave until 930am haha was there since 11pm. Yes guys I am taking drugs, but only like once a month except for December. He was all over the place his personality is up and talking to any random person. Me, I'm the shy type of guy. But a good looking white guy did come up to me ask if I wanted to hook up. Maybe since I got contacts and plus a lot of my friends said I look good that day. It really made my day to hear that. The only reason I talk to this guy because hes the only guy who is into me a lot and really wants me. I know its sounds mean, but being alone is really hard.

Well on New Years I went to TZ house because we went to Colossus. First we went to a person house party before going that was a nice place. After that we went to Colossus I was so high on candy. After that we went back to TZ house and one of my friends FB was like lets drink so I ended up drinking. Nasty ass acholo. Than the next day we stay in and didn't go to dragon had pizza, drank and I smoke weed. This was the 2nd time for me I was wasted and high that I heard I was crawling out of the bathroom. My body is so week now. When I finally left to go home, I got home and ended up throwing up again, it took me two days to recover. After one of my friends told me it was cheap vodka I realized why I was so sick. I had even stay at the house another night to sleep it off.

For me cheap stuff, my body can not proccess it. That's why I am picky with also my food. Like if I where to drink DMilk I will throw up. Drinking 2% or any other skim milk I am fine. Cheap alcholo my body can not digest it. A lot of stuff my body will just throw up. During the recovering process I can not pee or poop at all. Everything I ate or drank would come up. My body freaking wierd. The last time I had cheap alohoce I was so fuck up my body could not function for a few days.

Sunday January 3rd was my mom birthday so we are going to do something this Friday on her day off. She is so old haha. She is now 59 and I am only 24. Weird huh guys.

Nothing Much

2009-12-23T19:19:00.001-08:00

Hey guys,

Long time no post or even pictures, sorry I have been to busy cathing up on sleep and the fact that I have been doing nothing so there is really nothing to write about. I hope you all are having a great break from school and holiday.

Life is so boring when you do not have school. I love how people cant wait for school to start and than like a few weeks in, there like hurry up and end. Me I went to CRAVE on thursday this past week did it suck. I remember it used to be a lot of Asians but now its gone Latino(some are very hot), but there was to much fighting. Me and the bff did not really like it as much as we did before. I did get to see another friend there. J.J he is a really nice guy hes tall. I total forgot to say at least there is one good japanese guy in my last post. But I only see him ever so often.

Saturday was nice, it was a dinner type thing at a friends house. So many gays in one room. I am surprised the windows did not get steam up. HAHA. It was a nice get together. Xmas party are nice here. I wish there were a lot of people like that who do things like that. I dont mind going clubbing once or twice a month but every friday and all weekend not a good idea I wiil have to change my appiontment for a face lift early if I was partying that much.

Other than that my life is boring. Nothing to do on break just sit home and wacth porn on my new LG falt screen tv, god does it look good hehe. I wish I could find a job, but its so hard here. Going clubbing this weekend at Shangrila, I like this place more than Dragon.

Later guys.

Just a realization

2009-12-08T17:31:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

Its funny how that only I have probelems with gay people. Maybe I should be str8, god I wish I was. Why cant sexuality be a choice...The reason I bring this up becasue I knwo a lot of you get offended or what ever feeling you get. but When I talk to str8 people about the stuff I write in my blog they agree with me 100%. Its Kinda of funny how gays are about eqaulity yet when it come to their one night stands are partner exspecially asian gays they are the pickest people ever.

The str8 people I talk to are many races. But they are surpirsed that I talk about these issues. A lot have said your not gay because of your mind set. And that Gay usally want these issues not to be talk about and just put under the bad like old tissues from masturbation(my friend said). That was funny but mostly true.

I talk about issued that should be talk about and that you should not hide them under the bed and I am str8 forward, gays here do not like that. There about open mind, which is good but they dont look at through education and experices just except everything no matter what. Iv notice majority do not look at the conscuinces.

From now on I will make sure when I write my post that I edit and make sure wordings are right. Like make sure I put the word "majority" so people know that I am talk about the majority and not the minority. This is kinda of funny now. I just relized most the people who read my blog are not what I talk about. The people I do talk about do not, they probally only come to my page to see the pics and not the readings. So they are the typical sterotpeys that ppl talk about.

I am a nerd!

2009-12-08T16:27:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

First I like to point out that I do not deal with Asian Americans. I do not get along with them. The people I deal with are Asian that come from Asia who in my opp ion are trying to be American which pisses me off. Gay Asians.

My real close friends are CK, CL, TV, and they are real Asian who agree with me. And do not act Americanized at all. My bff on the other hand is a lot more Americanized than b4. Many of the readers from my old blog know I used to fight all the time with my bff. But after last years Intercultural communication class I learn that we were having problems because of cultural differences.

In high school I knew a lot of Asian from all over but I didnt get along with the viets because of their attuide. But I always got along with the other Koreans and Chinese. In time I could probably get along with them but if it takes years like me and my bff than no thank you. My bff gets along with the viets but I never have. culturally they do share some common attitude towards things. Yes all culture have differences but there are similarities.

A lot of you do not know me but I am nerd a geek a book worm, not just that, I have traveled. I have been to many states in the US and many countries in Asia(except Indonesia, and Burma).

When I am came to America all I had was Asian friends from everywhere. I have gone to their homes learn about their culture got books on every culture. My mom has a wedding company that helps Asian couples from all over Asia. I help her with the couples all the time. There is a lot of traditional stuff that needs to be done.

I am a Global studies major and my area is Asia(just bc its say global doesn't really mean I study all countries/ you have to have an regional area of emphasis). So I have taken lots of class and read books on the side about many Asian cultures, for my research papers.

I have also study many other class never just one subject history, politics, myths, psychology, anthropology, science because I feel they all come together.

I just want to say that if I am stereotyping so what. If you taken an intercultural communication class you will learn that you need some stereotypes, it is what keeps you sane and in control of your personality and individuality. Most of you think you do not stereotype but you do. Our class took a test where to see if you stereotype, and a lot who said they were not this or that they were surprised to see that they do have some stereotyping thinking.

Also that yes these are from my experiences and if your not that type of person than you should probably talk to me and show me that their are good people.I know there are some good people of every race and bad people of every race. But remember I look at the majority. I appreciate the minority, but I never seem to have that minority in my life so how can I be positive when there is none to be positive about.

One commenter said something interesting. I think he forgets that China is very big and that their is a difference between northern and southern china. Southern China and Vietnam do have a lot in common but China is still more old fashion than Vietnam. That's what I got from visiting Vietnam after being in china for 2 weeks. The one things that all Asians have in common is Family ties and the way family is done. But Vietnam is not that Confucius sorry man. But its the thurth if your still reading I can give the readings I had to read for school.

Korea and Japan are more Confucius than China. China has change a lot in the recent years. They do have someone what of a Confucius like society but to me probably closer to Lao Zi Chinese thought than than of Confuses thought.

Before someone say something like your reading things that American wrote. HEll 2 the NO. If I have to read something an American wrote I usually have to defend that country in class. When we were on Vietnam in Asian politics it was from some stupid white guy and he was wrong. I read lot of stuff online from people of that country. Just like when it comes to food if someone else cooks it and its not their orgins food I will not eat it. A Japanese making Italian food hell no.

Respect & Persoanlities and the Future.

2009-12-06T21:22:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

I have been woundering lately why I met the bad people. I knwo you all read my blogs and probally the one before it and think I am a bad person. But deep down I am nice in side, just like my post on libra says. Of course we all can not get along with everyone and in my case certain races. But it has to do with the persoanlity of that race.( I will get into that later), but like the JM he only talks to me the night of Dragon wounders if I am going or not and when will I pick him up. Kinda of messed up. I mean, he is using me and my bff since he doesnt have a car. The funny thing is after we hangout for like 2 weeks he says you are my best friend. Kinda of wierd huh!

Yesterday I had gone to my friends house to play some poker very nice, he is also a goh goh kinda of guy. T.V.(not telvsion) is so nice to me and he treats me really nice. When I first met him I thought he was going to be a bitch becasue hes one of those really pretty looking guys. The ones you see in movies who are bitches but hes not. I was glad to have gone, havnt seen him since my bday. He has a bf who is really nice and also got to see the copule I havnt seen in a few months TJ and his bf MFJ its so nice to see them. I had fun but of course deep down I envy them and was kinda of sad.

They all have bfs, now my BFF has one, that guy I talk before about. Since weve been friends he has had 3 bffs, me none. Its so sad. He also meets more guys than me. I havnt met many. I know its not me, of course my bff would think that but its not. Most of his friends are Viet and Flips and they are the ones I do not get along with. Plus they really are not my type. I like Chinese, Singporens, Taiwanese, Hong Kong people. I get along with all of them to but its always just as friends and nothing more. To them they would think its some East Asian vs South East Asia war or something but its not it has to do with persoanlity.

Now I will get into something people dont seem to get. Everyone has many persoanlity and I do not mean split personality. Persoanlity are traits of people, whats in side you what makes you, you. You have Culture Persoanlity, Family Persoanlity, Upbringing persoanlity, and Individual persoanlity that makes you who you are. The funny thing most of these guys work in jobs that really deals with people, I would think they had to take some class before on this issue.

Since I bet you all knwo about Family personality which is what your family acts, does think, affect you bigger than you think, Upbringing personality, being the palces, people in your life and of course your individual perssoanlity all you know. I am going to wirte about culture persoanlity. In everyones culture you have the norms, belifes, vaules that affect who you are. And there is a big differences in South East Asian and East Asians. Of course each country has their own culture and norms but there is similarities in all Asian cultures.

But with the S.E Asian there are similraties just like Chinese, Korean and Japanesse have some similarities in how we act. East Asians still have a lot of tradional norms in our life, they might have change a little bit but compared to S.E Asians not so much anymore. Family ties are still there. For exapmle my bff's bf is kinda of mad at me becasue I defended FB. I was not, I didnt see what he did was wrong. He bow for forgivness and mmy bff and his bf thinks its bad. But coming from a cultre were we still see bowing as very respectful. This is what I told them and they were like he was on his knees. Guess what? we Korean still do that when we are sorry and when we have a request, depending on the request but we would not look at the person and be like oh my god what the fuck is he doing. But to them it is.

I think what pisss me off the most, they dont respect how I see things and how I feel about things. There have been many times that I have felt uncofarotable but I did not say anything. My bff thought I was more socialable than him, probally am, probally not but not with the type he hangs out with. I have never been dislike by Chinese(HK, Taiwan, Mainland, Singapore) or even my own people Koreans. Like our one friend VR we didnt get along but my bff had to try to make us get along and we did after like a year. Hes viet and I just never got along with them and Flips not so much. Call it racist if you want, but becasue of the way they act(culturaly) I do not like it. I will deal with them but I wont accept them as friends are anything. I think this is the reason why I am single, the gays here are mostly Chinese, Flips, and Viets. There is only one race I get along with here but they only see me as friend and nothing more, and the few Koreans here dont date other Koreans. So I am screwed.

They kept saying I need to change. And I am changing. I am being careful who I hangout with. When I go back to the gay world it will be different. Instead of pretending to like people and just dealing with them, I wont. I will only hang out with people I like and I know I will get along with and be comfortable with. It may not be the way they want me to change but its me and if they dont like it than I dont care anymore. I am doing what my mom tuaght me. Stay away from people you knwo you do not like and dont even bother to pretend to like them its life, not your job. Of course at your job place you just deal with it but outside of work dont pretend at all. By doing this I can be emotional stable.

When you do something you dont like, you are hurting yoruself more and more everyday. It may not show up right away but you will deal with it in the end and it will hurt you. Now that Iv got the poeple I dont really care for out of my life, I feel a lot better. Of course I am sad and envy my friends for being in a relationnship but its easier for me to handdle than it was before. Becasue no more of this fake crap inside of me.

Update 2

2009-11-30T20:17:00.000-08:00

So Friday I went to Dragon with my bff it was intresting. I did not talk to anyone since they that group took my bff away from its all good its his bday weekend all I want him is to have fun.

The group is mad at me becasue on thanksgiving I went to the house party, me and my bff were talking and it was about guys look. I had said I dont like anyone in the group. And one of the guys came out but didnt hear the beiinging of the conversation so he misunderstood what I was talking about and thought I didnt like them. I dont really care for the group( not hate or like just neutral) but I would have not said it to their face. I mean they are my bffs bfs friends. Plus like I said before they dont even bother talkking to me. SO its all good. I dont care anymore.

So on saturday I pick up C.L and J.M to go to the party. It was fun since I like C.L of course I do not care if it works out or not being his friend is what counts. So it was fun to hang out with him but J.M is anoying. I have been haning out with him for a month or two. He wont stop poking me or touching me which I really do not like. It makes me feel uncofortabel. Also on that night he drank all my water in my car, I ask hey why you drink all my water his exuss is that I drink a lot of liqued. I was so pissed and said stop being cheap and buy your own. What piss me off is he didnt ask if he can have some water he just takes. I think He is rude. WE have been picking him all the time and he never offers to buy us a drink or give some gas money. Which to me is rude. I dont care where you come from but I think in most culture its a courtsy to give something in return. He also was way to drunk. I think since I was driving and there was free drinks at the dinner he drank up on free stuff. Also when I ask him for 20 for the dinner bill he was hestaint on giving moeny.

For some reason the Japanesse I meet are really wierd. I usally met the tall ones never the short ones like everyone else here but they are wierd. One is really slutty, like sleeps around talks about it. A few of us will never eat anythign off his plate or share anything. We know you cant get anything from that but knowing what he does is grose. One is cheap and not considerit, and one that is really tall and trys to be black and is to inmature and mean. I have met one good Japanese guy back in senior year of high school. These of course are gay japanese. I had a few str8 Japanese female friends which are really nice.

Well than on Sunday which was yesterday C.L call me and said he was bored, than he ask my why you never ask me to come over. I said sorry, I didnt think to. So he came over we talk than went to Quickly, than to see a movie with his two friends and saw Nija Assian. That was a ok movie. You can tell it was madde my a white guy it was so bloody. Asian films made by asian are not that bloody. But at least it had some of a good story line. Thats what is missing in some English-American films, they seem to care about the graphics and blood more than the story. I do like the movies from the 50s. They had good stories.

Update 1

2009-11-23T18:31:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

Its been a long time sorry. Finals are next month and lots of term papers to do. I just finshed 2 so 2 more to do than study for finals god i want to die.

Well i have been going to dragon becasue trying to be the new me. but I relized soemthing about what these new groups of gays want. I didnt go to class today so I talk with one of the girls who is in my two classs on monday and wendsday. We talk about a lot of things and she agrees with me a lot on a lot of things. She is a pol major. Gays really do have a different mind set. But my mind is more of a stright guy. she said my views are very rebulican, socialist, communist, moralist, and conservative. She told me she talk to another guy in our class whos gay and hes a very liberal demacrat. Now I kwno why its hard for me to get along with gays becsue most gays think like him. I am on the other side of line.

The reason why I talk about this is becasue on friday I was really pissed at two things that my BFF's man did. First of all they both said they will pick me so we can go to the rave that was on Saturday. But the day before he gives me his address. I was really confuse. And than when I ask my bff on friday he gave me a look with a grin smile. I was so pissed becasue when you guys say your going to do something do it. Unlike these new groups of gays I am a responislbe person. I will not drive if I am drunkn or high I just wont. And it takes time for these things to get out of my system. I have to sleep for 6 hours before everything is out me. I do not sobe up quickly. I plan on not geting a DUI. they give a exuss, you can crash at my place. I will not be able to. I have problems sleeping in places I do not know. Its very hard for me.

The 2nd thing that pissed me off is when he is telling me about how i should be showing my care for my best friend. What pissed me off is that I have to hear it from a 3rd person, not from my bff. The man of my bff says something like he doesnt like those complimeants I give him. My friend never told me anything about them he would just tell I do not belive you. And we were argue bout how this new group thinks im stuck up and what ever. I am shy I do not knwo them so I cant talk to them or start a conversation when I really do not knwo what to talk about. And he keeps telling me what needs to change. I knwo he means well but I am getting sick of it. I feel like its more and more critizime. I cant take it anymore. I told that gril who is in my class and she say well gays are like taht since she has a lot of gay friends. And that some are really uneducated. Like i miss having good conversations with poepl on topics of politics and other issues but these gays do not give a shit.

So instead of changing for these people I will just be who I am and be less excepting. But at the bday party this weekend I will just be quite. I m different from them and they cant except it. Its their lose not mine. They have been thinking way to much and their conclusion are not what is true.

My true heart is very caring I show it differently than they do, I do not consider everybody a friend, i do have trust issuse. People here over used the words friends and love. To me friend is a person you can share things with and people you actually hangout with out side of school, work or in this case club. I consider them club ppl. I knwo its mean but thats life. English languge really needs to make up words for these kinds of people. I tell the truth and its hard but who gives a dam.

Soon Life will change for the better, I hope!

2009-11-10T19:38:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

Long time no post. I have been very busy with school. Last night I was rushing to do my paper since one of my group members told me that the rough draft was due today but it was not. But at least I got that paper done.

Got my Asian Phil midterm #2 back I got 15/20 I was so shock. I study for the test but the essay question I just bull shitted. The first midterm he let us choose one out of the 3 questions to write a essay on but this one he pick one and it had to be the one that I didn't study for. I could not believe I was even close to what he wanted on the essay.

When it comes to school I can be very lucky sometimes. This was the first time I ever bull shitted on a test, but when it comes to my love life I am not lucky at all.

Well the guy I like is back from China I am so happy hehe. I could not stay away from him he called me out of the blue the other day and spark a flame inside me. My bff is doing good to he looks so skinny now but he still sexy as ever haha. He complains about it, but hes hot and he knows it deep down inside.

We didn't go to the club last week we just went to movie. ZT came along to he so cute like a plush toy haha. Even though he is a clingy type of guy I can tell he does have a sweet heart. I know its been a week but I dont think He will take my bff away from me. I think because of this school stuff, I had no time to think about the people around me. and try to understand them, well him. Just for everyone information I never thought badly of ZT just didn't know what to expect from him. But on Saturday I went to Hunter which is now called "Brix" what a stupid name for a club. I went with my Goh Goh, that places has so many ugly people. But its a good confidence booster hehe.

Its interesting how my bff gets someone who will care for him no matter what. Of course I have him who cares about me, but still when we are both high who will wacth over me. Yes I took "E" for the 3rd time.

First time I got nothing out of it what waste, 2nd time I got semi high it kept going away than coming back for me. 3rd time for me I felt so good, The great thing about me is that even If I'm drunk or high I never look like I am. The bad thing is that people will not believe if I told them I was high or drunk. When I am drunk I usually get lighter, when I am high I don't know yet. Don't worry guys I wont get addicted to it. Its only for once in awhile. Its a lot better than getting drunk.

I am back to my normal self that was in Korea. Not as bitchy anymore and just keeping my eyes open and my mind. I do not have school tomorrow thank god.

New Me (Pics next post)

2009-11-01T01:09:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Well I hope you all had a great Halloween. Mine was ok yesterday I went to dragon and again not many people wore a custom. Thats why this year I did not wear one. But beside that I was really not in the mood last night so I was just ok.

My bff of course is going out tonight wanted to go with him but since his man, well not really, a guy who wants to be his man picked him up. But the problemm with this guy is he is really clingy and gets jeoulse easy. So Im stratiing to think that me and my bff will not hanging out that much. I will not go up to the city by myself. And my bff has to pass mmy house before he can go to SF. SO we allways woudl swicth whos car we take to this city. He would drive up to my house than I would take my car or his or another friend. Since he lives 30 mins away from me.

Yeah i get jeolsue of him all the time. He always gets these guy who drive to him and pick him up and these guys live near me not really that far like 5-15mins away, they used to pick me up to becasue they knew that they can not sperate us. A lot of poeple knew that if you date him you have to date me too haha. Not really but becasue we are really close its like that almost. A lot of people see that. And the guy ask him and he said yes but I saw in his eyes he hates that and doesnt want that. I feel like hes going to try to destory that.

But its still sad that everyone likes him. Like last night everyone ignores me the guys who know me, who are my bff's guy TZ's friends, they only say hi to me when they want a cig. Kinda sad. I believe that my bff has a new group that doesnt like me. They just fake like me, and Im kinda of tired of that. Becasue when they say hi to him, and I am right next to him so they notice I am there.

I swear I am sick of all this Drama in my life I dont ask for it but it just seems to come in my life. In Korea I do not have drama at all. Only the US. My bff always has a guy after him around this time and than around spring he breaks up with them, becasue he doesnt feel anything.

It would feel nice to have someone loth or wants me so bad, but never. Even one of my friends who also tried to find a bf got one. Hes happy now and I am happy for him to, but if you saw him he kinda of bitchy and slutty but he gets a bf still. Me a sweet guy who is tradional and very respectful gets no one. Life is so wierd. When I had dinner with my bff and TZ he told me that many guys here in the bay area are not really looking for relationships.

This pisss me off so much. So therefore, I have stop looking and chnage into a new person, well who I used to be back in Korea, now beacuse of all this stuff thats happened. Thats why last night I was really not in the mood at all. In Korea drinking with friends is something to be fun and just be with friends but gays here do not see it that way. So tonight at Ruby Sky will be my last night of party. Since Fianls are next month and 4 Research paper will be due in November I need to spend time working on those for awhile. I hope after I change into the new(old) person I will go back to the clubs and see how it works.

My gay life really sucks here. I have a weak heart and a emotional guy I am surprsied I have last this long. Even though I am going back to who I used to be my heart is now fully gone. So everyone who comes into it I m just going to play. I will still be there for my bff CK my goh goh but others I dont care about anymore. Becasue even the guy I like CL that would never work out. I like him a lot still but since things will not work out I am going to stop talking to him and not see him when he comes.

Lately I have be wacthing a lot of old shows again like Queer as Folk, and I think I am going to be like Ted Smith the account guy who gets fuck up on drugs and his sex porn site. I feel like that will be me. My bff could not belive how much porn I have but when you dont get action of course your going to have a lot. The drug part I do not think will happen to me. but when it comes to his love life he gets nothing. Of course once in awhile he will get a guy but thats for sex. I get offers once in awhile but I do not do it. So my life will be like his alone and old with no one to careful.

Many things in just two weeks

2009-10-27T12:40:00.001-07:00

Hey guys,

Sorry for the really long wait for the new post. I have been really busy with school my bday and friends birthday. I do not seem to have enough time for anything except time for jacking off haha.

Well on the 16th which was a friday I got really drunked a lot more drunked than usally since my bday was coming up. I had a great time with friends, but when I got home I got really emo. And I had an argument with my step father saying who gives a shit that Obama is president. The world and in America still has racist people. Just becasue he so called black by most people( which pisses me off) there are still areas in America that dont except it even in the lovely gay community.

The gay community seems to be all about equality off everyone, but when it comes to thier sex partners or one night stands they dont look for whats inside but only whats outside. For me even if I were to do a one night stand it should be with someone I can have some kinda of emotion. There is lust, friends with benfits, love making but the all posses a emotion. So for me I would want to know that person before anytype of one night stand.

This of course is what I really wanted to tell my step father and my mother but did not. They really do not kwow whats going on with me. My mom ended up crying that night forcing me to drink water holding me in the bed saying all she wants is for me to be happy. What a good start on my bday weekend.

Than Sunday we had dinner at some Italian resturrant which suck by the way. My best friend pick it. I dont blame him, he found it and he saw it was a 4 star resturant but I think it was only becasue it was a nice place. Than went to Trigger near Castro for clubbing got really wasted again. I was not emo untill the end.

I got emo because a guy that I like before Mr. C.P was playing around saying I am his ex he grab me and than kiss me on the lips. After that he took my hand we went outside and we talk. He said something about how he would have dated me if there was no drama between one of my friends and this other guy.And he kept on holding me and hugging me. After that he need to go I statred to cry. Becasue I was just like what the hell. Then I finally went back in and this guy F.B kept toouching my ass. He is so freaking cute haha.

For any of you new people, I do not get guys at all, ones I like end up liking my bff, or they move to China and than say they like me, or my friend ends up liking him. So I cried becasue this seems to be a recyling way of life for me in the gay world here.

So Yeah I was happy that I was with friends, just not the gay bicths here in the bay area.
Than on Tuesday I met up with F.H which was his bday. We went bowling well they did I just wacth. I just kept making fun of F.B hehe.

Than Friday the 23th went to dragon again and went clubbing with friends. That was intresting. Than on saturday we celebrated F.H bday at a friends house. I got way to drunk but my bff pick me up and we went to End up in SF near 280 exit in Sf I believe. Great place. I drop for the second time and finally got high for the first time haha. I was so wild. But I was with F.B the whole night flirting with him and made a new gay Korean hyung(big bro). I finally had a good weekend.

Well this is a lot of cathing up so much stuff that happend. I am just goinng to have fun flirt with people and so on. No one night stands but just having fun. Of course I will have spills here and there and be emo but usally when I am drunk I am happy as long as you dont hit the button of sadness and bring back old emotions. Its like people can have fun drinking as long as you do not brinng up religion or politics than a fights going to happen.

Time is so Short

2009-10-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Well I have been pretty busy lately. Midterms are over of course still waiting for 2 other test scores. I hope I did good on them. Life has been very wierd for me lately. My dong sang the guy I talk about in the last previous blogs is gone. The funny thing is I didnt cry. I think becasue it didnt hit me yet. Its one of those thiings that you still dont believe.

Beside that I have been trying to live my life happy since I will be here for awhile. I forgot if I mention that I might be going back to Korea next fall. I talk to my major adviosr and he said that most of the class that I took at Mission College count for many of the major course that need to be taken so all I have is left is electives which is good. the funny thing is that I just transfered there this fall.

So becasue all I have electives left I will go back to Korea as a exchange student get the course from there than sign up for my masters there. Than I still can have a degree from US and get a good job in Korea. I knwo a lot of people are pissed becasue I am using the US system but I tried to find a guy here they gay world here is to cruel so I need to leave. This country is not the place for me. So dont be mad becasue I knwo some good American people who moved to Europe becasue there life here was not good here too. Just becasue you are born somewhere doesnt mean thats your true home some find thier new home in another state or country. Life is different than in the past.

Well My bday is coming up soon, this Sunday at 7pm. So I will have a special blog for you guys.

Later.

TO MY FAVE. DONG SANG...Get well Please

2009-10-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Well I did go to the club on friday. It was just me and my BFF went up to the city. Met some of our friends there. It was ok it seem to be new people there for some reason. There was some decent looking ones.I was was really wasted, probally since I have not gotton drunk for awhile.

While I was clubbing, one of my dongsangs the one I was talking about on Friday's blog got into a motercyle accident. He is is the hospital. I am really sad right now,and worry about him. If any of you saw Sailor moon hes is like her but worst, he seems to get hurt a lot. It not a good thing he is young and needs to live a long life.

So yesterday I was not really in the mood and still today not in a really good mood. I can not stop thinking about him. His little borther told me everything. Hes a wake now but still I worry. I am like a mother sometimes I really care about the poeple who come in to my life and I worry about them even if they use me or dont care care about me.Thats why I get used a lot. I cant say no and I have a heart like a women. I am just like mom.

SO If you guys can pray if your religous or just hope the best for him that would help. You may not knwo him but, no one derseves to die or get hurt like that. I woudl never wish anything like that on anyone not even Hitler.

I hope everyone else is doing ok at least and that no one got hurt or knew someone who got hurt. Have a great Sunday guys. And to my dong sang please get well fast. Heal up. I wish I was there to be by your side right now. I love you man.

Midterms and Realization

2009-10-02T14:11:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Well I am goinng to make my blog more me, so I will put up hot people that or guys and grls. No I am not Bi but there are some sey girls out there haha, who I would go streight for haha.

This week was all midterms I have one more left on wed. I hope I do good. Yesterday midterms were kind of wierd. For my Global Soceity class he did not give any review so know really knew what was going to be on the midterm. We had a review day all he said was bring pen and pencil that is it. Than he siad any questions, people just ask about the readings after 15 mins of class everyone just left.

The Asian Philosophy one was easy. He gave a review I was up for like 3 hours reviewing it and when I took it, it only had 5 true/false, 5 muiltuple choice and one essay question it was pretty easy more than the review.

Well I have been kinda of sad lately, I know most of my readings are sad haha, but I met this Korean guy a few weeks ago. I still like C.L but siince hes not here and he does not know if he will come back or not I thought I should just met people and make friends. So this Korean guy who came to the states when he was like 5 I think. He said that I am cute on line and in person. The reason I am sad is becasue the guy is everything I like in a guy hes normal. I do not like the guy becasue he has a boyfriend and they are in a open relationship. But I am sad becasue the fact that a guy who thinks I am cute, have simliarties and we hit it of on the first met, is a guy I can not have. Kind of sad.

I have been talking to my dongsang(lil bro not real brother) back in Korea for the past few weeks, hes nice guy. He wants me to be happy and stop being sad. He knows I am gay but does not care. And he reads my blog from time to time to see how I am doing. I wish I could be in a relationship with him. Hes tying to make me feel good but the sad thing is that I am statrting to like him. Yeah I like two people at the same time really sad. He is just like the Korean guy I met a few weeks ago everything that I want in my man, just this guy is streight. Even though he is not gay he wants to protect me from all the bad things.

You know I took a online quiz at facebook, yeah they are not real test, but it was a test of what Asian is right for you, I got Korean. I am starting to think that I can only date my own people. I mean Chinese peopel love me as a friend but they dont see me in that way. I always found Chinese guys hotter than Korean. My list was Chinese, Japanese, than Korean. in the way of hottness but what ever. My frist date was with a Korean guy, My frist relaiosnhip with a Korean guy, gays that think im cute Korean guys. But most Gay Koreans here in America do not really date other Koreans.

Later.

Why get a Tattoo!

2009-09-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

A lot of people wondering why I would get a tattoo of a tiger looking like Korea. Some people think its because of the Korean Pride that gets out of hand. No its not the answer.

The reason for it is because Korea is my homeland, even though I lived in the US for middle and high school Korea is where I was born and who I am. I have to respect that. But this is not the main reason and is only like 5% of the reason.

The main reason is because when I was about 7 or 8 can not really remember, I was rape by 5 high school boys back in Korea before I came to the United States. They rape me and said I was the most ugliest Korean ever.

When I came to America I didn't have any Korean friends. So going through a rough time I had no one to talk to about the changes or the problems I was going through. Most of the Koreans that came here did not want to consider me Korean. Also the Korean Americans did not want to believe I was Korean especially the gay ones. Also the Asian who are really white wash, think I am black or Mexican. Not trying to be racist but that really offends me. Like one of my friends brought his black friend to hang out with us because he thinks I'm part black, but the black guy said no I am not. The reason this hurts me is because black and Mexicans are look down upon. Yes there are blacks and Mexicans who are doctors and lawyers but the stereotype of what the world has of them is bad, and I do not want to be put in that stereotype.

This hurts me a lot. I am proud to be Korean and also proud to be 25%Polish, but I know nothing of my Polish side all I knwo is my Korean side. So this tattoo is for me to be proud of who I am. It is also to prove to others that even though I may not look like Won-bin or a half good looking Korean actor, I am Korean. I will get a Polish type tattoo when I find something that is really nice.

The funny thing is that when I went back to Korea for college a lot of Koreans just consider me Korean. They would say don't even say your 25% Polish your more Korean born in Korean and so on. I think with age comes maturity and more understanding. But here in American still today I get this negative stuff from people. It really hurts when people can see you for who you really are.

Even though Korea is still a conservative country that is opening the minds, eyes and ears. I feel that the United States still has a lot to go trough. Discrimination still goes through the US and most of through the gay world. Yes the gay world is about equality, however, there is this thing on people profile that say preferences. And to me that seem more discriminative than racism.

EX: Must be white, tone or muscle body only etc. And no not on sex sites. Even on sites where you try to find love.

Because a big majority of gay people think like this, my gay life is very boring. I am not the typical Korean or Asian boy that gays want. That is why I have no confidence or feel good about myself. I used to have a lot of gay people say, take your picture of the internet because you are the ugliest person they seen. But enough of this ranting.

I did go clubbing today. I was bored did not want to stay home but I did not get drunk, all I did was sit and wacth my friends have fun. Maybe I am getting old haha. I turn 24 next month.

NO Clubbing

2009-09-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys,

Sorry for the long wait. School is so much lately. To much homework and midterms coming up this week. Well I am going to drop the WST class. I just got back my homework from that class all of them are "F's". My mom was like what the hell is with this teacher. The paragraph that I had to make was really good.

I think its becasue this class is made for student of the humanities department. My major is not in that department. So I will take the WST class when they have it for my department. But in my other class I got my other homework, and the grades were good. Like the case study thing I got A- which I was surprised.

Last weekend and today I am not going to the clubs. I bet a lot of my readers are like what. HAHA its not because of school but I do not feel like going to the clubs. I am getting sick and tired of the club scene here. I am just going to focus on school try to make str8 friends.

Gay people its hard to have friends. Like everyone msg me and said to tell my BFF to get better, but I was also sick. I felt like no one gave a crap about me. Like 3 weekends ago when I was at Dragon, I was next to my best friend and everyone was say hi to him hugging him and ignoring me. After a few mins they realized it was me and said oh hey Jun. But I have started to wounder if I should even consider them friends anymore. Gay people here seem to really care about the way their friends look like. (Gay Asian World) Gay Asian can be very bitchy. I knwo there are good ones but I think they gay life in the Asian community is not a place for me. As in the clubs and bars.

There's nothing really happening in my life right now that would be interesting to talk about. However there is finally 3 good looking guys in my class haha. In my Global Society class there is this Japanese America guy bald head in a frat he just just so hot haha. Than in my International Organization class there this Chinese American buff tall and sexy haha, and in my Asian Philosophy class there is this really tall Vietnamese American that's very cute, pretty eyes, great smile. I always look at him haha.

Life is a New

2009-09-11T00:30:00.000-07:00

Hey guys today's I found this poem it is really funny. I thought everyone should read it.

A Passionate Kiss
Author: Gabriela

A passionate night between me and you
I can't begin to tell you the things I want to do.
First we can dim the lights and get closer.....
No, wait, that's too fast, let's go back
and move a little slower.

I'll kiss your lips that are so soft and sweet,
then move on to your cheek that's so smooth and unique.
Then I'll move right along that little ear of yours...
Whoa... my, my... let me move along your chest...
Uh, oh I missed a spot, let me move back up to the neck
As I move my tongue around and around
you start to feel it as I go down slowly
and as I kiss your chest your hands go up
...but I'm not finished yet....
I go further down towards your navel...
As I move down past your waist line I begin to kiss....

Oh, I just wake up to realize it's a dream !
A passionate dream fueled by my deep love for you.

Today for some reason I was not feeling good. I had pain threw my entire body. I do not why. This was really bad for me. I hope tomorrow brings a better day of no pain. I really do not know what to say anymore since nothing really happans at school. I still have no friends there. I know a few people there like 5 and my cousin goes there to but have only seen him once and others well not really.

I miss having my friends around me. The one thing I really hate is being alone. I need to have someone be by my side may it be my mother, my friends or a lover. But having someone near me makes me feel good. I know we need to learn to be alone sometimes but for me its hard all day long no one around. I only see my friends on the weekend and my mom comes home late and goes to bed early.

I knwo its only been a few weeks in school but I feel like a lot of things in me are changing. I do not know what it is. But I think it has to do with Sunday. I have realized many things more about the gay world, and about me. Also since I turn 24 this October I think I should change a lot. No I am not going to become a typical gay guy. But try to be a little more understanding of others. I still will be a typical Korean boy who is formal and respectful but in a different way. This is hard for me to explain but I do feel a change in me.

Life is really short, and I do not want to miss any chance at making more friends and finding my love. We as humans need love. All kinds of love. From family, friends and your love. With this comes drama. Life is full of drama where ever you go. You really can not live with out drama. If you do than you must be on a island alone. With drama comes experiences good and bad. Better connections with your friends or disconnections. Life is a thing of ups and downs. You can not run away from drama or people. This is why its called Karma. For some reason I feel like I must have done something wrong in the past to have the life I am living now. I have been told by many people that I will be single forever. From two palm readers on opposite sides of the world and by quiz's online, and from pyshics. And even my BFF's ex said that I am unlucky. But this will not keep me from trying.

Music Videos I made:

Life is not what its going to be.

2009-09-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

God school is so hard right now. I went to dragon on Friday than on Sunday night went to Crave in San Jose but we stayed there for awhile be for heading up to SF to go to Sanctuary. I did not come home until 6am It was interesting but after that Circuit party me my BFF figure out there is no where to met the kinda of guys we want. As we can tell there all the guys care about looks(body), and for a few the drugs. We really felt like we were in one of those episodes from queers as folk. I know there are some good guys out there but it does not seem to be easy to find.

Me and my bff are not really into these gay things. We also ask our self if we are gay or not. Because we do not think like a gay guy at all. We do not think we are better, it may come across like that but we are the type of gay people that straight people would not mind if we got married to another man.

The differences between me and my bff from gays is that we are discrete with everything we do just like straight people. To me I believe the reason that straight people do not want gays to get married, (1) the flaunt their sexuality, (2) the expect everyone should like them, (3) sex media they get, (4) and many more things you do not see straight people doing at all.

Pic I took in Hawaii
In this world not everyone is going to like you. It does not matter your sexuality, race, age, height, weight, or beliefs. Sometimes people just do not like other people. And just because they do not like you, you should not get mad at them. Just because we are does not mean anything we are normal human beings who want love. I would think.

But enough of that topic before I get heated up. But One of my friends now ex friend as of 9/9/09 6:30pm told me that I can change to straight. I wish it was that easy. I told him that it is not a choice. He think it is. Stupid no one can every control who you love what you love and so on. Also his stupid roommate is also stupid. He think that I will turn him gay. Wow There are some stupid people in my country. But they were raised here during their teenage years. From experience Koreans in California are more open minded also back in Korea because one of my hyungs(bigbro) found out that I was gay he does not care at all. He still cares for me as if I was his real brother. But all Koreans who are in other parts of the U.S are way to Christian. They are like God this and so on. I hate those kinds of people.

I am sorry for the people who believe in a God but the Christian God base religions have been proven fake. There has not been a article or announcement on it in the media. But if you were a good Catholic school boy like me and study the bible and other science you would than figure it out. I do not know why science just says it.

Later

Parties and More Parties!

2009-08-31T21:06:00.001-07:00

Hey guys,

Sorry for the long post. I have been very busy since school started last Monday on the 24th. I am taking 5 class that are 1 hour and 15mins each. But the give way to much reading.

Class I am taking:
1.) International Organizations
2.) Asian Politics
3.) Global Society
4.) Asian Philosophy
5.) Writing class for upper division
* At the and of this semester you might see in my blog words you have never seen before. This class is to make you use words you would have never think of just like the SAT words. He wants us to write the way he wants so because of the my writing will change a lot. I hope.

So Yeah this past Friday I went to Dragon with BFF, C.K, and V.R and met some of my other friends. C.L is leaving for China soon, so he went to Dragon. God he is so cute and sweet.

Saturday I was invited to a House Party that was fun. So many gay guys and they were tall Ha Ha. Where have they been all this time. Than on Sunday I went to the dinner party for C.L. His good bye party even though he is coming back in 2 months. He says but that is only if he cant find what he is looking for and no not a boy friend but something to change the way he is doing his life. And I really want him to. You never want someone to do something they do not want to do.

The dinner was nice I at least got to say my goodbyes. But at the party my BFF's ex came which I did not know that he knew C.L a little weird. Now its official the Gay Asian World is to small. So somehow BFF's ex knows I like C.L kinda weird. He says he can tell in my eyes. He also thinks me and C.L would be good together. "Hes a sweet guy and I am a rough bottom." BFF's Ex. How would he know haha. He also told me that I am to conservative when I am sober but when I am drunk I am so funny. Its true but still I bow and shake hands like you see most Asian do in Asia even when I am drunk. I think he wanted to say that I am not so much formal.

For me when I am around people I do not know or even a guy a like. I do not want to do anything stupid were they would not like me. So I try to be very formal and don't say anything. Life is very interesting for me.

Later.

Dragon bois goes to Fresh

2009-08-20T21:53:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

Sorry for the long wait on the new post. Been getting ready for the new school year at a new School. For all new Readers I just transferred to San Jose State University.

This weekend was interesting. Friday I went to dragon With my bff, C.K, and two of C.K friends. they were very quite . Well later in the night the guy I like was there so I went up to him and talk. He said he was not going to drink but ended up drinking anyways hes so cute and sweet. So we dance a little and he wanted to wear my hat because he likes it so I let him. But the gross and funny thing was when he came up to me and was trying to talk to me his face skid across my face hitting my lips. Sounds hot but he was very sweaty so his sweat made my face look like i just came out of the pool. Ha Ha.

But C.K's friends ended up taking a taxi drive to my house because of something. They didn't talk to us at all just went off by themselves. And their car was at my house which is stupid why they did not come back with us. Also on Saturday I end-up figuring out who one of the guys was. A guy who told me to help him find a bf a long time ago.

Sunday we went to Fresh at Ruby Sky of course every gay there had their shirts off. Which was not ok for me. Even if I had a body which I did have back in Korea I would not take my shirt off to show my body. Let my boy friend see that.

After that we went to met up with my crush aka C.L. We went to Singing Room which was fun he has such a sexy and professional voice. God I love him ha ha.This was all until 3am I was so tired. However one of our friends T.Z left his keys at one of his friends house and his friend did come to the door to let him in so my bff called me and said if he can stay at my house I said yes. But this was like 420am. When he gets here I am really tired since I did not sleep the night before. I wait with him until his friend from Berkly pics him up. His friend gets there around 6am. SO I slept the whole day Monday.

Past Dates and Guys I liked

2009-08-13T22:46:00.001-07:00

Hey guys,

Well I thought I would write down all my past dates, guys I liked, and the 1st bf i ever had. With all these guys I had talk to them online for at least 2-3weeks. I am writing this since a lot of people do not believe me.

I have very good memory even if I am really drunk I still know how to get home and where we park the car. So I am a person you can not take advantage of when drunk. I remember everything. The sad part of this is that people with good memory will end up getting the memory loss disease.

Guys I dated

1st Guy:
With this guy who was Korean American, ask me if I would like to go on a date. Of course I sad yes. This was in my junior year of high school Spring of 2003. Later that day he tells me he is seeing someone down in LA and that this date is for fun. I was sad of course since I only believe in dating one person at a time. He should have said he wanted to make friends. Instead of me going up there to met him and being so happy.

2nd Guy:
He was Taiwanese American this was in fall of 2004. He asked of course I was like ok. We met up at Mission College I was taking English class before I went back to Korea. Well after a week he ended up with a Black Guy. And they are still together to this day.

3rd Guy:
I met a Mix Asian guy and I mean mix with almost every Asian country you could think of he was the real United Nations of Asia Ha Ha. I met him in Fall of 2004. He was 2 years younger so he was 17. We dated a few times. And than out of no where he said he does not what he wants. So it did not work.

4th Guy:
I was back in Korea this was February 2005. After a week being back in Korea I had gone to met a guy that I was taking to online back in America. That did not work out either. We dated for like 1 day.

5th Guy:
I met him but now I am like what ever to all guys that talk to me or give me compliments. Like the guys before , we would chat online for awhile and have web cam conversations so they know what I look like. This was in 2006 And we met he was like he really likes me, but after 2 weeks he stop calling me and everything. I was worried. Because He was at the age of going to the Army and I did not know what happen to him. I would look at his cyworld and he has not been online.

6th Guy:
I met him in January 2007. this guy became my boyfriend. My first and feels like my last. We broke up because I came to America in October of 2007.

7th Guy:
He was Vietnamese American met him in 2007 December. Just Graduated from High school. He said is physical attractive to me but after getting to know me he was not personality. We had talk and he felt like he knew everything and know that he is out of High school he thinks everything is going to be like what he thinks. After this guy I would not date anyone younger than me. He was to immature.

8th Guy:
A Filipino American around the end of January 2008. We had talk but this guy I could have liked if he was not to fast. The 4th time we met he had dinner and a hotel ready with rose all over the bed and in the bathroom. Very romantic but way to fast for me. And probably a lot of other People.

9th Guy:
A Malaysian Guy I met him in Summer of 2008. But he was way to much into his Makeup and hair fashion. He looks all sweet and manlyin his picture. But after going up to the city he ended up being to much of a girl for me. And he said he was a Top.

10th Guy:
Which you all know is the guy I wrote about in another blog. Filipino. For the new readers. He was a guy who I felt was lying. And also was to girl y for me.

Now I will write about the guys I really liked.

1st Guy:
He was Chinese. Met him in Spring of 2008 Very nice and kind to me and we still talk. I think it could have work but the problem was he is a bottom.

2nd Guy:
A Hong Kong guy we met in Summer of 2008. I really liked him. We talk online he would say how cute I am and so on. And after a few time we met he ended up liking my Best Friend.

3rd Guy:
He was Hong Kong guy also who was nice to me always pick me up since he only lived 5 mins away from me. He would say nice things to me but to my best friend he was mean but that was how he show that he liked my best friend.

4th Guy:
He was Chinese met him this past year around spring time. He was pretending to flirt with me. He said he like guys with glasses and when he was worried about me when I disappeared and when we met and hang out he would be like where is my hug. And I never seen him hugging anyone else. And when we are in the Smoking Patio he would hold me from the back. One time he just comes up to me and says hey baby and starts freak dance me and getting a little to close to my lips.

New Blog

2009-08-11T01:20:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

I do not know why my other blog is down. I saw other blog sites that were aloud to have pictures and videos of gay stuff. And can not be my way of thinking either because than that would be against my freedom to say what I want to say.

This weekend was the same like always. Dragon there were some cute guys. Sunday I went with friends to a Vietnamese Restaurant. Which I do not like by the way. 3 of the people with us were Viet. I did not want to seem rude but I do not like their food. I am not a fan of South East Asian Food. About a year after I came here me and my mom had Viet Food for the first time, we end up getting food poison. The funny thing about that is that a lot of my friends said it was not until they came to America that they got food poison. Plus I really do not like the sauce and the way they cook it. Foods that I love is Japaneses, Italian, Chinese(my friends family cooking not restaurants), and of course Korean.

After that we went to see Perfect Getaway, which is a crap movie. The actress from Resistant Evil is a good actress but this film, ruin her. Than we went to Quickly and had a chat fro a few hours.

My life is almost over. I start school on the 24th. But I am happy because I really do not want to sit on my butt anymore.