Life learning

Dear Readers,

Hey I hope you all or having a great new year that everyone new year statred off great. Like mine, they never do. I do know why maybe becasue the older I get I hate xmas more and New YEars becomes nothing to me.

My life is still boring and alone. Two of my friends are being still distance. I was giving them space even though I did not fight with them but they are acting like I fought with them and that they cant forgive me and go back to being good friends again.

I do not know why people here mis-understadn me at all. I really do not care if they speak chinese. For god sake majority of my friends are chinese and I am learning chinese to. All i was saying is that when they talk and I try to talk they ingnor me. Iv done a lot for our friendship but I think they dont want to see that. Well technially one friend the other one feels wierd if she is in the same room as me and CL.

I learn some things these few weeks. Like what CL and JC said just becasue CL doesnt show that he cares they way I woudl like it, doesnt mean he does not care. I agree with it, I was to stupid before to turely understadn it but now I am also using this same logic for other parts fo life. Like; Just becasue I accpeted everyone for their faults and looked passed the times I felt uncofroatble, they might not do the same to me. I realized not everyone is like CL who will accpet me no matter what. I also learn that when it comes to the gay community and JC I need to be a diffrent person. These past few weeks I learn many things, to much to write here. Maybe next post I will write it.

I wish they would also realize I m changeing it takes time to also. Im changing little by little. I do not want to lose myslef. If they knew me from the beinging of when I was getting into the gay world 3 years ago I am totally different.

These past few weeks I have not been sleeping well and not eating enough. This shows that Im really depressed and that Im thinking. I havent been like this since high school. I was depressed for like 4 months when I lost my good friend. When Im depressed I cant eat anything becasue it taste nasty to me for some reason. I should be glad I m not one of the people who eat a lot when they are sad or depressed. In my life as much saddness I get I would be like 500lbs. I cant sleep all I do is cry myself to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night. I also dont have energy to do anything no motivation.

Well I have six months to figure out what to do. Go back to Korea or stay in the US. I got a job offer to work at the courts translating here in the Bay area, and a job offer to tranlstae back in Korea. Should I go back to Korea were I know Im welcome by friends and can find a lover, or stay in the US, with most of the gay community hating me and not find a lover, a place were its better to work.

Drama & NYS

hey guys,

I hope you all had a great xmas and new years, mine was so so. I did nothing for new years just stayed home in bed wacth movies. I really do not see the point of celbrating a new year. I dont really care just another day of life. Xmas I went to dinner with LC ZT, JC and MCV. After that we went to Shangrila at end up. Than Drama happend.

We went to some place called Velvet something. It was a nice place but the food was crap. It was not worth the 75$ per person. ZT gave me what they have but when we got there they had a different menu. IT was some special xmas menue. I was mad becasue beofre I came I knew what I wanted and they didnt have what I wanted. I know ZT was trying to do something nice but still you need to learn that here in US just because a place looks nice doesnt mean the food is.


Shangrila would have been fun if I didnt get mad at everyone, well at one person. But inside my heart I was mad at everyone just blaming it on one person. People will never understand me. I dont blame them thats their way but I believe you should be able to accpet others faults, and who they are. I know i hate many things but I dont try to change that person or that thing.

School starts in 20Days my last semester. I need to figure out what I am going to do. School ends in May giving me little time to figure out if I should stay here or go back. I dont want to go, but I have to look at the pros and cons. The sad thing is that there are more pros for going going back to Korea and only a few pros for staying here. Also there are few cons for going back and so many cons for staying. I want to stay here becasue of LC my close friend, I really do not want to leave him.

We will see soon.

Happy Holidays

Dear Readers,

Hey sorry for the long wait, I was very busy with last research papers and studying for the finals. So was not able to write up a new blog on my life. I bet you missed the pictures I put up and for the ones who actually read my blog missed whats going on in my life.

So CL came back from China, I was vary happy, but he is so different now. I hope our friendship doesnt change that much. I have not really been in the mood to club that much. I have been going to GAMEBOI and I did go to the last SHANGRILA last month. Other than that dont feel like doing that. I like just chilling at a friends house having a few sake shots and drinking wine. Thats what I have become a clam like person.

Of course my life is single as ever but I think thats good. Well some of my friends dont believe I am over CL which is kinda of getting old and anyoying. If I do or not is no ones busniess.

I have stop with drugs last month I got a real strong one. Thank god I did not OD but it was strong I couldnt take it, I felt like throwing up and couldnt breath. My friend JC was like omg I never seen you and ZT before like this. SO this was my stop on this. I was never a drug crazy manic. I only did it a few time a month but I m over that stuff.

So I have one more semster left of school than I graduate. I will have to take two class during the summer which is PE. PE class are not that hard but when you have 5 class it is very hard. They take time away from your studying and it gets tiring. Well I hope everyone has a great holiday vaction.

Becasue its break of course I will only update once a week. Not much happens during the week so I will try to updat on monday like a I had plan to. I knwo today is Wed but was relaxing after the final since I had my last final Friday the 17. I need to mently recover.

Lets hope some intresting things happens during my vaction, my life right now is so boring haha.

Hey Readers,

My life has become partialy drama free. During the halloween weekend I went with my didi (CC) who I go to school with. He invited me to a party up in the hills in San Jose. I know staying in the south very wierd. We played games drank a little had fun. Lots of straight boys did some intresting things to me when we were playing dare or double dare. Yeah kinda of high school but the girls there wanted those straight boys to do some gay things haha. So why not and my didi help them out fing out their sexuality haha.

Been not that busy with school. Not going away for the weekend has really help with me getting homework. Of course I dont do much druing the weekend but still I feel more relax.

This past weekend on Friday I went to Castro with VT gege which I have not hangout with since my birthday dinner last year. I would see him at the clubs here and there but we finally hangout for a change. It was nice got to see another guy whos also Taiwanese who I think is cute and looks like a Korean actor haha. His female friend was very pretty. Than on Sunday I met my didi CC and wacth SAW VI it was a ok movie. You can tell they just wanted to show a lot of blood stuff on 3D they kind over did it.

I did not go to Taiwan and Hong Kong like I was supposed to but its ok. I will plan my trip for next year in a good time that wont piss of my teachers. Well I will make sure I dont have any Indian teachers since they are so crappy teachers.

Later Readers

October in 1 Post

Sorry for late post. Well I will go thorugh the my past month since the next post will be in next month. The weekend of the 8th I went to ZT house to spend the weekend we had a lot of things plan. We went to gameboi which was the 9th. It was really fun. Than we spent most of the time just relaxing.

The fallowing weekend the 15th I had my bday dinner with a couple of friends, we jsut drank a lot at the house and joke talk stories and so on. Than I stayed up in SF the whole weekend with friends doing some relaxing stuff at JC house. Than on monday the 18th which was my bday I took off school and hanged out with my mom we went for lobster and than some shopping however nothing is cute here.


Lately I have been trying to catch up on a lot of homework well readings. I try do as much as I can during the week but never do on any on the weekend becasue Im usally up in SF. But now that my friends go to Taiwan and HK tomorrow I will be able to do something things this weekend and next weekend which will be good. I will try to get really ahead so that when they come back I can hang out.

I was supposed to go to Taiwan and HK also but while I was taking my midterm for HIST 170 - Topics in America the firealram went off so it moved that midterm to the next day which than move the 2nd midterm into the date of my vaction. I ask her if I can do after I come back or do it before she said nope you will fail class. This bitch is so stupid. I told her the beginning of school that I will be going on a vaction. And now she doesnt want to work me. All my other teacher were find with it but her. So I had to cancell. I was going to go to the Gay pride there to. Well life is just life.

Well some of you probally are woundering were the old korean polish boi who used to write all the stuff before. Well I dont care anymore about the gay people here anymore. I have a few good friends and that is enough. I dont need a boyfriend or even sex. I have given up on this area. I mean people still talk shit about me but who doesnt have anything about them going around. It seems when you are in the gay world like clubbing, bars. and other things, people seem to talk about you even if they dont know you.

They even are starting to talk about one of my good friends who is the niceist person who has never said anything bad. SO fuck up that these people are still acting like kids from middle and high school. I know I have said some stuff you guys would call inmature but I say things to people who do bad things to me. The only time I will fake being nice to someone, is when I can get something out of it. Like people who work sometimes in the workforce to advanced you have to do things. I cant believe I wrote so much today. Well I m off. I will try to write again tomorrow if I can. These past few days I have gotton a lot of things done before bed time.

Later

Parties, Relaxing, Educational...

Hey Readers,

Long time no wirte huh. Sorry about that. With taking 5 class I have been so busy with homework. Chinese takes a long time to study at least 14 hours a week. Yes it is a lot. My other class thank god are just readings so I dont really have much homework. Once inawhile a teacher will have some kinda of question homework but I only have had about 2 or 3.

Last month I did a lot of fun thought. Friday the 24th I went with CV and his date BV. CV force me to go a oprea. I love the oprea but it was at AT&T park. It was free the wine was crap. But after that we went to Trigger becasue we got on the VIP llist but no table. We got really drunk I had like 5 shots of patron there than we went to Dragon, got to see old friends. Had a shot again than another shoot with MCV. We went to to MCV and JC house because we were hungry. CV cooked for us he is one good cook. CV keeps biting me the whole night while MCV is going around saying crunching tiger and he does some wierd move it was so funny.

Sat we just hanged out in the city for the 4am party we were going to which was Shock. We went home around 10 in the morning. It was all good. So some old friends there to.

This past weekend we just hanged around the house. I went to JC houses and we ate dinner and drank a lot of sake. Me and her could not feel it so we just kept dranking while ZT and MCV are just tired of drinking. Than sunday we went to The Acdamy of Science place it was really nice. So I can have a relaxing weekend.

Other than that nothing new in my life at all. No dating or talking to guys. And its not becasue of school, becasue its no longer summer. I only can get some gusy during the summer well talking to guys. No one answears me or sends me msg during the other seasons. So funny.

Well I hope you all doing good and sorry for the late reply.

Fun Weekend and Harsch Schooling

Hey guys,

Well had an intresting weekend. Friday I had dinner and movie in S.F with ZT and CV. We saw Resident Evil in 3D which was ok. Some parts were intresting and some where like omg did you really need to put that in here. They dont need to make anymore. After the movie we went to Trigger had a few more drinks since we drank 2 bottles of Sake early.

The next day CV, ZT and I went to have diner with JC and her husband and son before we went to GAMEBOI. Omg so much fun but so many kids haha. Got to see so many people that I knew. Had a great time.

School has been so busy. I am droping the 2 PE class becasue I just cant do it. Taking 5 class and do HW and these class is to much. Taking the class is not bad just that PE takes an hour and 40 mins away from the time I should be studying. Of course there is weekend but I am in SF on the weekend. I need to have time to rest. I know there are people who dont have fun when they are in school but if I cant take a break from school than I will mentaly crash. I do good in school becasue of it. I dont have to study hard or try hard, becasue I give my mentalness a break from the harsch of school.

Return of Gameboi SF

Hey guys,

how was everyone weekend, I hope it was great. Me of course did nothing on friday. Yep I hav not gone to DRAGON for a long time haha. That place is getting so old.

Well on Sat. I met ZT and MS ( he is a new friend ) we went to have lunch at a Taiwnaese Resturant in Cupertino. It was good. We went to see the movie Undisstructable. I didnt want to see that movie becasue I saw a Jet Li in it. Who is my fave guy hes so cut even though he is getting old I still love him haha. I thought he was going to die becasue in those kinds of movies He usally dies. If he is not the Main star in the movie he dies like in that cop movie from the early 90s.


Than after the movie we had Shanghai food in Milpitas. Had my duck hehe, I love duck it taste so good. After that Oh yeah we went to the mall also. At Great mall it was ok. So many cuties there. later that night we went to the Return of Gameboi SF. WOW there was so many kids haha cute though. Some of them look older than 18 but didnt have the 21+ wristband. I was like what hell.

You could tell we were in a 18+ club becasue they way they dance is so different than when you go to grow ups clubs omg. Me and ZT were also like what hell they have boyfriends. But we felt like we were the old popular guys becasue of the VIP area we were in. LOL I saw so many people I knew. Later we went to END UP which was ok.

Well later guys.

VT Bday Party

Hey Guys, Boys, & Girls who love gays,

Well like I said I will post every monday and here I am. I had a vary intresting weekend. I went to go see my bff ZT on saturday we had a late lunch in Daly city right next to where my mom works. than went to the movie. We saw Step up in 3D it was good. Me and ZT want to look find a club like that. Where everyone just dances haha.


Sunday was intresting. We had to get up at 530am becasue our friend VT birthday party at END UP. It was so fun. didnt get home till like 5pm. I was so tired. Well I am still working out wish me all good luck. Well me and ZT are going to do some healthy stuff stop the clubbing haha.

Nothing much happing.

Hey guys,

Sorry for the really long wait you guys. I have been so busy with doing nothing haha. Well Cl is in China. I took him to the airport a few weeks ago. I cried when he left haha. Im so dramatic sometimes lol.

Well me and ZT have been hanging out a lot. We go clubbing and just hanging out. I went to Santa Cruz the weekend before after clubbing at Shangrila. That never doing again haha. Than this past weekend ZTs friend came here from siingapore and we hang out he is a relly nice a guy, and cute.

Well I really do not know what to wriet here since Iv been doing the same as ever. Havnt been going to Dragon except for the weekend before CL left for China. Dragon has become dead latly. They are bring Gamiboi back to SF again. I wounder why the stop it in the first place.

Pride weekend & Hes not in ur league

Hey guys,

Well I went to pride it was fun, Firday night i went to dragon however i threw up to much drinking. Never mix soju and other drinks togther. If you going to start drinking soju stay with it dont change another drink.

Than on saturday i went to colossus that was fun also. However I was alone again. CL was hangout with his ex who he used to love,and ZT was with his date. And I was alone. The shandong guy doesnt go to any of things. I took to many candy about 5 in such a short time. I wanted to have fun so thats why I took so many never going to that again.

Sunday we went to the beach we didnt get to see the prade its ok. The beach was nice however I was alone once again on the beach everyone had someone except for me. I swear my life is so boring.



CL doesnt understand why I am moody or the way I am. Come on someone who doesnt have a date never a bf and is aournd people who seem to have someone and kissing, how do you think someone who is alone is going to feel. I know now he will never understand me.

The shandong guy is so retared. I ask him why he thinks Im cute and why he likes me and he say I will let u know in year if we are still together. I can read between the lines he just wants sex. So I am not going to deal with that guy anymore. I think the reason why I am is becasue CL was my last hope. I had said this before in many blogs. But he was my last hope and since it will never happend between me and him. I have given up on the gay world.

I think thats why I can be with the shandong guy. I had like CL for a whole year. Its not easy for me to stop liking someone or liking someone new when I already like someone. Of course i dont like CL anymore becasue I have came to terms about the future between us, so just being good friends is good enough, however, he was my last hope.

I read this blog on downelink it was very intresting to read but very truthful. I wish my friends could understand this but they dont.

He's Out of His League 2 by:Downlink Member

Someone said that “If someone you love and loves you, they’ll love you for who you are, not how you look”. YES that’s an ideal way to perceive things. God knows I wish that were the whole story, but it’s not. I wanted to stop and write this blog for you guys before I get back out there.

So instead of explaining my theory, why don’t I just ask someone I was seeing to test if looks and love go hand in hand. He was good looking, buff, and a nice guy. A good candidate for this experiment:

Tony: Hey can I ask you a question

X: Yea sure

Tony: So if I had been out of shape back then, would you have gone out with me haha

X: Like if you were unattractive or chunky? Yea, it’s your personality that matters, and you always made me laugh. (A nice answer, but NOT the whole story)

Tony: You know how we have that pact to be honest, well that applies regardless if we’re together or not. Now really think about it. You go to the gym every day, you go for a reason. You’d really be with me even if I wasn’t in shape? Give me the answer I’m going to be needing from you

X: Hmm. You really want to know.

Tony: Yup, only the truth, the real deal answer. No sugar coating about life, we don’t do that.

X: I guess IF you hadn’t looked the way you looked, then I guess you being funny or interesting wouldn’t have mattered. You being in shape, made us fit together more. If I had been hotter than you, then there would be no way people would have felt we were a match. My friends would have commented against it. We would have gone nowhere. Imagine how cruel it would have been to let you watch me get hit on, while you would be standing in the backseat at parties or clubs.

X: So why are you asking about this hypothetical.

Tony: Its cause I wanted to show that even with a nice guy like you whose good looking, the rules still apply. I wanted to get it straight from the horse’s mouth.

X: Then I hope I was helpful. It’s unfortunate but I have to say that how we look, definitely affects who we love or get to love.

Anyways, I know some of you might like this, some of you might not like this. But I feel as though, it is important to remind you of the truth, not of what’s ideal, but what’s realistic.

So when someone tells me, “That person will love you for who you are, and not how you look”. That’s because you have to take into consideration that that person isn’t out of your league, that’s why you’re their match, and that is why they love you, because they accept that your looks match their standard requirement and then allows them to focus your personality.

If I am wrong about my assessment, and you disagree, then I’m glad. Cause you live in a much easy going world than I do. Live there as long as you can and I wish you the best.

When it comes to me I usally endup liking FOBS, probally because I am one too even though I look like something else. But its there personality not thier body becasue the people I like they usally are different types of body. Auctaully I never liked a guy who had a body like the guys I put up on my blog just normal avareage guys. I am going to try to work hard on my body so I can get in the league of these gay people. And fuck with thier minds let them feel how it feels to be in pain. Like they say what goes around comes around.

Gay Pride This Weekend

Hey guys,

Its been a while since I have worte in here. Not much is happing in my life except for lots of partying with CL and ZT hehe. This weekend is Gay pride weekend. Which will be my fist pride. I am going to dragon on friday, Colossus on Saturday and I hope the prade on Sunday. So much partying.

Well right now I have been seeing this Shandong guy he is really nice but a freak in the bed haha. He is 6'1, 24, and hes very smart. The funny thing is that hes not in the gay world at all like I am. I ask him you dont go clubbing and you dont have gay friends, so, why you date me. He said its ok. He says hes str8 guy and that im cute and like a girl. Why does everyone say that. I act like a typical asian guy from asia. But my mentality is like a girl. I want to be there for my man.

However I wasnt really there for him on the weekend last week or this week. He was like you spend time with your friends more than me. But I had all this plan out like amonth ago. Last weekend I went river rafting near Cash Creek, it was nice. So I couldnt hangout with him. I was like I am sorry but I already promise my friends. The sad thing is a treat my friends better than my bfs. Plus I dont want to get to close to this guy. Just in case hes one of those looser who just want sex. I am not going to deal with any more gay bullshit. So taking my time and not getting a lot of emotion invloved.

No More

Hey guys,

My life is doing ok. Nice summer break finally the weather is nice to go out and do something. I hope everyone is doing good in this lovely summer season. Well I have been hanging out with my friends every weekend about. Been trying to have fun. this Weekend is JieJies(TZ) bday. My friendship with CL is good. His name kind of sounds like a perfume haha. I just relized that.

This month is Gay month. I hope to go to Pride this year didnt get to go to pride last year. I need to go to one. Maybe I will see different about gay people.

Well I said before I had given up on LOVE and I have. I dont care about LOVE as much as I want to feel love again. I know that when it comes to the gay world, it doesnt exist. It exist for some but not all. Becasue in gay relationships there a lot of these open realtionship or ones were guys bring in a 3rd once inawhile, what they like to call spice up the relationship. Me I can not do that, so since I cant I will just be proud to have my hand with me haha.

I think to mcuh about stuff girl thinks about, Im also trying to chnage that. I feel like if I dont I wont have any friends anymore. Jiejie and GeGe could end up forgeting about me and stop dealing with me. I wish my biggest fear was not being alone. And I dont mean by lover but being alone with out friends and no one. I hate that more than ever. but enough of this drama, this weekend at jiejies bday Im going to try to be open and a good boi no drama.

Wish me all luck.

Final Week

hey guys,

Well I just finshed my last research paper. Tommrow I will turn it in and take my Eastern Religion in class essay. Wed I have my Global Economy class, chinese Final, friday turn in the take home essay part of my Eastern Religon class. Than on monday I will have my population climate change class presentation. AFter that I will be done for this smester. Thank god. I hope to have a nice summer break with friends.

After finshed my paper I finshed wacthing an ep. of Tori and Dean, where Tori did her friends wedding. I cried becasue I will never have one. Even if gays are allowed to get married with my track record with guys it will never happend.

I am just like a gril no wounder CL calls me meimei and that I woudl be a great house wife. He said that when we spent the night at TZ house. I cleaned his place. And CL was like you will make your boyfriend happy. But I will never be able to this.

I am to much like a girl. Iv always had a nanny when I grew up. I stop having a nanny when I was 14. I alwasy been around women so the way I think and my emotions are really like a gril.

One of my friend said I shoudl stop seeing wacthing dramas since its always about love and I wont cry. but just like Charmed, Piper went through so much to be with Leo. So no matter what you wacth a love like situation is going to be in a show. the only thing out there that doesnt have sad love stuff is porn, cartoons, and some relity shows.

I think the reason why I cried on this ep, is because that guy I dated text me saying " Hi Jun, I know you hate me, but I would like to apolodies for alll the errors I have done. thannk you :D" Yes he put a smile at the end of it. I have given up on man. In this gay world (bay area) I can not find what I want or will ever get what I want. Now I know why on most gay personal sites they have a question there asking would you be willing to move for your love.

I was talking to person I met through TZ,he is MG. He is a smart nice kid. He was telling ma that where he is right now, there is not that many drama there in the gay world. Why do Bay Area gays and LA gays have to be this way. Why can they not be so slutty bicthy. I feel a lot of the gays here are missing out on something that woudl make them feel good. I find it funny most gays love thier mom to death and woudl do anything for them yet they love to be like str8 guys in their mid live crsis.

Almost over

Dear Readers,

Sorry for the long wait for a new post, some of you are porbally wondering whats been happening in this boys life. I have been so busy with school since its towards the end of the month. I had a research paper due on April 28 and a midterm in that same class. I did so bad on the midterm but good on the paper. Teacher is so messed up wanted a big paper and midterm on the same day. I mean I like the class world of the eocnomy, its fun but dam.

Just finshed my last big research paper for my Population and climate change class that was also hard. I want to die. I just ended up rewording everying. I cant belive I turn it in and got no high light s of plagrism. Now I just have one paper left which is 4-5 pages so not so bad. Study for Chinese and my Eastern Religon class and The World of the economy my other two class dont have finals. The eastern religion one is a take home final I love those.

Well one of my ex friends MF is out of my life. God I hate him. I hear so much stuff about him, its funny. Hes a size queen and he is very bias. I know some people think I am racist or bias but nothing like him. He thinks that only Asian are good looking and that other races are ugly. For me I am very picky about other races but there are a few preety and hoties out there in those races. this kid is 22 but acts like 16 year old so sad. But now I know why he was always that way to me. Becasue I am 75 Kroean and dont look it he would always make me feel and look bad. why kind of friend is like that. I no longer have a school friend to hang out when I am bored or bff anymore but I still have CL and my one friend at school CC who can only hang out once inawhile. At least there are some good people left.

Well nothing else is happing in my life so I dod not know what to write sorry guys. I know you want something to read.

I had enough

Hi guys,

Well heres another say story to put in this blog. If any of you read my previouse post you will know what I am talking about but if you dont sorry that you might be lost.

Well we all know I like CL but there was this guy in December that I dated. Was trying to get over CL becasue I knew there would not be any chance with me and him. This guy I saw him for 4 weeks, he said he was not ready for a relationship and that he has to deal with himself first before he could get in one. Well I know that is all lies. I like how this happend after I gave him what he wanted. He took my 2 years and half virginty. The sad thing is i could have like the guy.

Know I know I need to becareful what peoplel say. He said all the things he woudl always complement me, say how perfect I am and so on. The sad thing is that the guy he is dating is one of my close friends. WEll I thought. I am sorry but I would never date any of my close friends crushs, guys they have dated, or had something with. That is wrong in my book. I am starting to think that is commmon in the gay world here. I ask my Korean friends they would not do that to their close friends.

I am really sick of this gay world. I wounder if I still have those people who used to read my old blog read this one. So much bad stuff happens to me.
For new readers, if you want to know more read "Past dates & Guys I liked" (8/3/09). It just seem to be a pattern guys I like ended up liking my friend or dont like me at all, or my friends like the guy I like. I know I am FUCKING KOREAN BUT I DONT WANT TO BE IN A FUCKING KOREAN DRAMA ANYMORE. I have given up on the gay world now, I am going to be a bitter mean ass bitch. I dopnt care anymore about people, friends, school, anything. Fuck life.

LA TRIP

Hey Guys,

My spring break was last week, which was so boring. All I did was stay home, however I did go to LA this past week with CL and LM. We drove down there which was nice. I got to see nice parts of cailfronia. It was really pretty.


So that friday we went to Rage aka GameBoi which was ok. To many little kids. After it ended we went to Mickeys. CL is so wierd some times. Like he tooks some drugs which I got mad at him for. He try to put his arm around my shoulderI would move away. He than was like I dont want to go now. Meimei is mad at me. Kinda of wierd we are just friends. I ended up takeing a few candies. SO I let it go.

The Next day we went to Santa Monica for shopping. It was ok the style down there is not my style at all. We went to eat Korean Tofu, I pretended to be mad at CL and he was like I dont want to go clubbing now because someone is mad at me and doesnt want me around them anymore. I love pissing him off. HAHA Than we went to Reflexs I believe. I took one candy because I didnt get drunk enough. CL found out and was like ok I can take some too. He did and in the club we dance for a bit. And he said to me meimei I love you. I told him I love him too.

While in this club, really after party, a Korean guy was trying to hit on my friend so cute hehe, and the Korean guys friend came up to me and ask me if I was Korean(He is also Korean), we introduce eachother he gave me a kiss on the cheek. This guy was hot too. He was tall, nice body, a little facial hair. He reminded me of this Korena actor. Then when he was going home he came to his friend gave him a hug, gave CL a hug, than he grab my head and kiss me on the lips, he had nice lips. HEHE. To bad the guy has a bf. I was so shock since nothing like that has ever happend to me. I do plan on go to LA again even thought they are rude bitches, but the party sence down there is better than the SF sence.

I have a probelem with the LA gays though. I thought SF area were stuck up bitches but compare to LA gays, nothing in comparsion. At least in the SF when people try to pass you in the club the put the hand on your shoulder or say exusse me, where as in La the freaking push you out the way. I was like oh hell no. Rude as mother fuckers. The way they walk is to much flame. There were not many male acting ones but there are a lot of young gay guys down there.

Me and CL have deceide to quite the drugs. No more smoking either. We are going to be good bois. SO wish us good luck. Drugs are esay to stop but smoking is hard. Ciggrites are so good.

CL Knows and my Life is still K-Drama

Hey guys,

I hope you all had a great St. Pantrics day. I did nothing of course. But study for test. Thank god this week is my last weekk before Spring Break. Yae for me. I can't wait to go to LA for spring break.

On Saturday the 11th I and CL went to Heaven it was ok, but we left and ended up going to Castro. It was really fun it was just me and CL. We are really close but the only closet it will get is a brother and sister like relationship. He calls me meimei(lil sis) and I call him gege(elder bro).

Well last weekend was very intresting and kinda of sad. I hang out with CL and his friend. We went shopping in SF before we went to the Castro. We got really drunk at trigger. Then we spend the night at his friend's house this one is a really nice guy. But a mutual frined of me and CL, a guy I like before CD(my bffs ex), text me and him. I did not knwo this but it looks like CD liked CL. God why do I feel like I am in a Korean drama.

So the text to me was saying I was a smart and good guy and that I should stop giving. And he text him saying that he should stop hanging out with guys who like him and stop trying to be inooccent. The text he gave me did not upset me but the one he sent to CL did. After that CL ask me if I still like him. I said yes. He thought becasue I was young he thought I like many guys and go from one to another really fast.

But we all knwo thats not the case. We had a long talk. But I knew it would not change anything, however, this whole week I was affriad of lossing him as a friend. But he called me yesterday today hangout we went to Dragon and had fun. Slept at his friends house again. Same guy from last week. Thank god our friendship did not change.

I just wish I could find a guy who I can like. I was on downelink the other day. And a guy msg me. He talk to me for about 20mins. We talk about eachother than all of a sudden he msg me about those webcam naked things. I was so pissed. The bay area sucks so much. All I get is guys who want me to see them on those stupid webcam sites, old guys who want to have sex with me. No one around my age wants me here.

Even at the clubs I see guys go up to other guys and my friends making out with people. I can not do this but it would be nice if a guy did that to me. I want to be more gay or in this case more open. I wish I was not so old fashion and conservtative.

Well I will witre again later. I go back now to living a Korean Drama life with no happy ending.

Why does my heart always have to Break.

Hey Guys,

How is everyone doing. I hope well. Me of course been so busy with studying so much. My chinese Class is killing me, but I love learning it. I did go to dragon last night which I have not been there for a month. There were some cuties there. There were two guys who are in the 40's but they look good.

I made a few friends at SJSU which is good, I dont feel so alone now. I was doing good for awhile. But this single life and not worrying about having someone is very hard. I think its because I hang out with CL to much. Being around him makes me like him more. I knwo he doesnt like me. And when he gets a boyfriend it will be hard, but I think I can handle it.

I really do not know if he knows I like him. My friend told him long ago but thats when he was seeing someone. He could have forgot that I like him since that was last year in the summer or he thinks I moved on. I really do not know.


Last night I picked him up we went to Dragon and than we went to one of his old friend's house who is a bitch. He was so mean to me. The guy also kept asking me do I like CL and he was like I can see it and would not stop asking me. I told him Im not going to tell you. He was like Yes or No, I said not going to say anything. He made me feel really uncomfortable. But CL kept defending me which was good. We end up sleeping there. We slept on same bed in the middle of the night his arm was on top of my chest. My heart kept pounding.

The sad thing about me is that I am like a girl, I think. Even though I talk shit about how gay people are sometiems I wish I was just like them. Just kiss a guy at the club or anything. But to me doing things like that makes me feel like a whore. Like CL said to me in the car that wow your face looks so good like a girl. And that he like my hair the way it was. He also told me that emotional Im like a girl. So said for a guy like me.

This seems to be always my life when it comes to love. I end up likeing the wrong guys. Guys who will never get with me. I only get a few guys who like me one is of course is bottom guys, but thats hard since my mentality is like a girl and the fact that Im a bottom. Also old white guys and I mean old 40+, one guy who is the same age as my mother was trying to get with me, thats so wrong. For me I have a 10 years+ from my age and only one year - of my age. Dont forget VA he was so into me but he told me after he got to know me he only saw me as a friend. I thought he knew me. He wants a guy who just like him. he is very sociable, but people have told me he that tries to hard and that its way to sociable. But what ever men just suck.

Funny Profiles

Hey guys,

I had a great time last weekend. It was CL's bday so we went to Modern Thai to met up with his friends for dinner thats was intresting. I am not really into thai food but majority of the gay people here really love thai food. I wonder is it becasue they are so open or what. I am very picky about what I eat. The only thing I like at thai food resturants is Mango and Stickyrice basically the desert haha.

Well after that we went clubbing that was fun we were way to drunk and since I pick him up we ended up sleeping the car for awhile. We party again on Sunday at Ruby Sky aka FRESH that was fun also. Than we went to Castor to Trigger I love that place hehe. Got drunk again. I can not believe so much fun hehe.

You know what I find funny on the internet, is reading profiles on gay sites. The reason they are so funny is becasue majority of it is all bullshit. Dont get me worng there are honest people on the net but not many.

I dont care about finding a boyfriend or anything anymore. If he comes he comes and no I am not waiting becasue people say that if you stop looking he will come. Its becasue I have given up on the gay world here. But when I read these profiles I laugh becasue the type of guy they like is right here. But becasue I do not have a body like these models I am atomatically out of the race. They say they dont care but we all know thats bullshit.

CL told me when he put his picture up of himself on the msn icon, a half naked pic so many people messaged him and were like long time no see and whatever. He relaized that majority of the gays here really do care about body. I have know this for a long time. I dont care at all about body and if having a body like models is the only thing between me getting a boyfriend than fuck that shit.

People need to like people for who they are not their outer shell. This is the reason why gay people are look down upon. Caring about body and the fact that not many want to be in a relationship, and I mean a monogomas relationship. There was an article about that and it said 70% of gays believe that to keep a relationship going you need to have it open sometimes.

Another funny thing is that gay people jusge way to much. CL told me that people had said I was stuck up and what not. He told them no I wasnt and that I am a sweet guy with a very nice heart. The reason for this is becasue I am being misunderstood.

The Shy Extrovert - By Jay Dixit

When someone's shy, we often assume they're introverted. Shyness often does go along with introversion–but not always. Some people who get anxious among strangers actually love being around others–whereas true introverts find people exhausting. Like other shy people, shy introverts are routinely misunderstood as cold, aloof, or stuck-up. They're particularly likely to be judged negatively if they're also attractive, says Bernie Carducci, a psychologist at Indiana University.

When I met people I am vert respectful, I bow and shake there hand. I dont really talk to much untill I feel comfortable around them. I dont see why this is bad. Majority of gay people are very open and just say hi to everyone like you are friends from long ago but that is not me at all. I think people here are just way to libral for me.

I also judge people to but becasue I have been so judge so much and so alone I have become an observer, well I have been on for a very longtime. And my friends have told me when it comes to reading people I have been 100% right. I need to read people see how they are before being comfortable around them. I am shy but once I get to know you I am open are if you put a drink in my hand get me drunk I can be very open. I do it for protecting and to not waste my time with fake people.

However, I dont care anymore if people like me or not. Life right now is for me to study and to have fun when I can. Can not wait to go on the LA Spring Break Trip with CL, BFF, TZ its going to be so fun.