Update 2

So Friday I went to Dragon with my bff it was intresting. I did not talk to anyone since they that group took my bff away from its all good its his bday weekend all I want him is to have fun.

The group is mad at me becasue on thanksgiving I went to the house party, me and my bff were talking and it was about guys look. I had said I dont like anyone in the group. And one of the guys came out but didnt hear the beiinging of the conversation so he misunderstood what I was talking about and thought I didnt like them. I dont really care for the group( not hate or like just neutral) but I would have not said it to their face. I mean they are my bffs bfs friends. Plus like I said before they dont even bother talkking to me. SO its all good. I dont care anymore.

So on saturday I pick up C.L and J.M to go to the party. It was fun since I like C.L of course I do not care if it works out or not being his friend is what counts. So it was fun to hang out with him but J.M is anoying. I have been haning out with him for a month or two. He wont stop poking me or touching me which I really do not like. It makes me feel uncofortabel. Also on that night he drank all my water in my car, I ask hey why you drink all my water his exuss is that I drink a lot of liqued. I was so pissed and said stop being cheap and buy your own. What piss me off is he didnt ask if he can have some water he just takes. I think He is rude. WE have been picking him all the time and he never offers to buy us a drink or give some gas money. Which to me is rude. I dont care where you come from but I think in most culture its a courtsy to give something in return. He also was way to drunk. I think since I was driving and there was free drinks at the dinner he drank up on free stuff. Also when I ask him for 20 for the dinner bill he was hestaint on giving moeny.


For some reason the Japanesse I meet are really wierd. I usally met the tall ones never the short ones like everyone else here but they are wierd. One is really slutty, like sleeps around talks about it. A few of us will never eat anythign off his plate or share anything. We know you cant get anything from that but knowing what he does is grose. One is cheap and not considerit, and one that is really tall and trys to be black and is to inmature and mean. I have met one good Japanese guy back in senior year of high school. These of course are gay japanese. I had a few str8 Japanese female friends which are really nice.

Well than on Sunday which was yesterday C.L call me and said he was bored, than he ask my why you never ask me to come over. I said sorry, I didnt think to. So he came over we talk than went to Quickly, than to see a movie with his two friends and saw Nija Assian. That was a ok movie. You can tell it was madde my a white guy it was so bloody. Asian films made by asian are not that bloody. But at least it had some of a good story line. Thats what is missing in some English-American films, they seem to care about the graphics and blood more than the story. I do like the movies from the 50s. They had good stories.

Update 1

Hey guys,

Its been a long time sorry. Finals are next month and lots of term papers to do. I just finshed 2 so 2 more to do than study for finals god i want to die.

Well i have been going to dragon becasue trying to be the new me. but I relized soemthing about what these new groups of gays want. I didnt go to class today so I talk with one of the girls who is in my two classs on monday and wendsday. We talk about a lot of things and she agrees with me a lot on a lot of things. She is a pol major. Gays really do have a different mind set. But my mind is more of a stright guy. she said my views are very rebulican, socialist, communist, moralist, and conservative. She told me she talk to another guy in our class whos gay and hes a very liberal demacrat. Now I kwno why its hard for me to get along with gays becsue most gays think like him. I am on the other side of line.

The reason why I talk about this is becasue on friday I was really pissed at two things that my BFF's man did. First of all they both said they will pick me so we can go to the rave that was on Saturday. But the day before he gives me his address. I was really confuse. And than when I ask my bff on friday he gave me a look with a grin smile. I was so pissed becasue when you guys say your going to do something do it. Unlike these new groups of gays I am a responislbe person. I will not drive if I am drunkn or high I just wont. And it takes time for these things to get out of my system. I have to sleep for 6 hours before everything is out me. I do not sobe up quickly. I plan on not geting a DUI. they give a exuss, you can crash at my place. I will not be able to. I have problems sleeping in places I do not know. Its very hard for me.

The 2nd thing that pissed me off is when he is telling me about how i should be showing my care for my best friend. What pissed me off is that I have to hear it from a 3rd person, not from my bff. The man of my bff says something like he doesnt like those complimeants I give him. My friend never told me anything about them he would just tell I do not belive you. And we were argue bout how this new group thinks im stuck up and what ever. I am shy I do not knwo them so I cant talk to them or start a conversation when I really do not knwo what to talk about. And he keeps telling me what needs to change. I knwo he means well but I am getting sick of it. I feel like its more and more critizime. I cant take it anymore. I told that gril who is in my class and she say well gays are like taht since she has a lot of gay friends. And that some are really uneducated. Like i miss having good conversations with poepl on topics of politics and other issues but these gays do not give a shit.

So instead of changing for these people I will just be who I am and be less excepting. But at the bday party this weekend I will just be quite. I m different from them and they cant except it. Its their lose not mine. They have been thinking way to much and their conclusion are not what is true.

My true heart is very caring I show it differently than they do, I do not consider everybody a friend, i do have trust issuse. People here over used the words friends and love. To me friend is a person you can share things with and people you actually hangout with out side of school, work or in this case club. I consider them club ppl. I knwo its mean but thats life. English languge really needs to make up words for these kinds of people. I tell the truth and its hard but who gives a dam.

Soon Life will change for the better, I hope!

Hey guys,

Long time no post. I have been very busy with school. Last night I was rushing to do my paper since one of my group members told me that the rough draft was due today but it was not. But at least I got that paper done.

Got my Asian Phil midterm #2 back I got 15/20 I was so shock. I study for the test but the essay question I just bull shitted. The first midterm he let us choose one out of the 3 questions to write a essay on but this one he pick one and it had to be the one that I didn't study for. I could not believe I was even close to what he wanted on the essay.

When it comes to school I can be very lucky sometimes. This was the first time I ever bull shitted on a test, but when it comes to my love life I am not lucky at all.

Well the guy I like is back from China I am so happy hehe. I could not stay away from him he called me out of the blue the other day and spark a flame inside me. My bff is doing good to he looks so skinny now but he still sexy as ever haha. He complains about it, but hes hot and he knows it deep down inside.

We didn't go to the club last week we just went to movie. ZT came along to he so cute like a plush toy haha. Even though he is a clingy type of guy I can tell he does have a sweet heart. I know its been a week but I dont think He will take my bff away from me. I think because of this school stuff, I had no time to think about the people around me. and try to understand them, well him. Just for everyone information I never thought badly of ZT just didn't know what to expect from him. But on Saturday I went to Hunter which is now called "Brix" what a stupid name for a club. I went with my Goh Goh, that places has so many ugly people. But its a good confidence booster hehe.

Its interesting how my bff gets someone who will care for him no matter what. Of course I have him who cares about me, but still when we are both high who will wacth over me. Yes I took "E" for the 3rd time.

First time I got nothing out of it what waste, 2nd time I got semi high it kept going away than coming back for me. 3rd time for me I felt so good, The great thing about me is that even If I'm drunk or high I never look like I am. The bad thing is that people will not believe if I told them I was high or drunk. When I am drunk I usually get lighter, when I am high I don't know yet. Don't worry guys I wont get addicted to it. Its only for once in awhile. Its a lot better than getting drunk.

I am back to my normal self that was in Korea. Not as bitchy anymore and just keeping my eyes open and my mind. I do not have school tomorrow thank god.

New Me (Pics next post)

Hey guys,

Well I hope you all had a great Halloween. Mine was ok yesterday I went to dragon and again not many people wore a custom. Thats why this year I did not wear one. But beside that I was really not in the mood last night so I was just ok.

My bff of course is going out tonight wanted to go with him but since his man, well not really, a guy who wants to be his man picked him up. But the problemm with this guy is he is really clingy and gets jeoulse easy. So Im stratiing to think that me and my bff will not hanging out that much. I will not go up to the city by myself. And my bff has to pass mmy house before he can go to SF. SO we allways woudl swicth whos car we take to this city. He would drive up to my house than I would take my car or his or another friend. Since he lives 30 mins away from me.

Yeah i get jeolsue of him all the time. He always gets these guy who drive to him and pick him up and these guys live near me not really that far like 5-15mins away, they used to pick me up to becasue they knew that they can not sperate us. A lot of poeple knew that if you date him you have to date me too haha. Not really but becasue we are really close its like that almost. A lot of people see that. And the guy ask him and he said yes but I saw in his eyes he hates that and doesnt want that. I feel like hes going to try to destory that.

But its still sad that everyone likes him. Like last night everyone ignores me the guys who know me, who are my bff's guy TZ's friends, they only say hi to me when they want a cig. Kinda sad. I believe that my bff has a new group that doesnt like me. They just fake like me, and Im kinda of tired of that. Becasue when they say hi to him, and I am right next to him so they notice I am there.

I swear I am sick of all this Drama in my life I dont ask for it but it just seems to come in my life. In Korea I do not have drama at all. Only the US. My bff always has a guy after him around this time and than around spring he breaks up with them, becasue he doesnt feel anything.

It would feel nice to have someone loth or wants me so bad, but never. Even one of my friends who also tried to find a bf got one. Hes happy now and I am happy for him to, but if you saw him he kinda of bitchy and slutty but he gets a bf still. Me a sweet guy who is tradional and very respectful gets no one. Life is so wierd. When I had dinner with my bff and TZ he told me that many guys here in the bay area are not really looking for relationships.

This pisss me off so much. So therefore, I have stop looking and chnage into a new person, well who I used to be back in Korea, now beacuse of all this stuff thats happened. Thats why last night I was really not in the mood at all. In Korea drinking with friends is something to be fun and just be with friends but gays here do not see it that way. So tonight at Ruby Sky will be my last night of party. Since Fianls are next month and 4 Research paper will be due in November I need to spend time working on those for awhile. I hope after I change into the new(old) person I will go back to the clubs and see how it works.

My gay life really sucks here. I have a weak heart and a emotional guy I am surprsied I have last this long. Even though I am going back to who I used to be my heart is now fully gone. So everyone who comes into it I m just going to play. I will still be there for my bff CK my goh goh but others I dont care about anymore. Becasue even the guy I like CL that would never work out. I like him a lot still but since things will not work out I am going to stop talking to him and not see him when he comes.

Lately I have be wacthing a lot of old shows again like Queer as Folk, and I think I am going to be like Ted Smith the account guy who gets fuck up on drugs and his sex porn site. I feel like that will be me. My bff could not belive how much porn I have but when you dont get action of course your going to have a lot. The drug part I do not think will happen to me. but when it comes to his love life he gets nothing. Of course once in awhile he will get a guy but thats for sex. I get offers once in awhile but I do not do it. So my life will be like his alone and old with no one to careful.