Update 1

Hey guys,

Its been a long time sorry. Finals are next month and lots of term papers to do. I just finshed 2 so 2 more to do than study for finals god i want to die.

Well i have been going to dragon becasue trying to be the new me. but I relized soemthing about what these new groups of gays want. I didnt go to class today so I talk with one of the girls who is in my two classs on monday and wendsday. We talk about a lot of things and she agrees with me a lot on a lot of things. She is a pol major. Gays really do have a different mind set. But my mind is more of a stright guy. she said my views are very rebulican, socialist, communist, moralist, and conservative. She told me she talk to another guy in our class whos gay and hes a very liberal demacrat. Now I kwno why its hard for me to get along with gays becsue most gays think like him. I am on the other side of line.

The reason why I talk about this is becasue on friday I was really pissed at two things that my BFF's man did. First of all they both said they will pick me so we can go to the rave that was on Saturday. But the day before he gives me his address. I was really confuse. And than when I ask my bff on friday he gave me a look with a grin smile. I was so pissed becasue when you guys say your going to do something do it. Unlike these new groups of gays I am a responislbe person. I will not drive if I am drunkn or high I just wont. And it takes time for these things to get out of my system. I have to sleep for 6 hours before everything is out me. I do not sobe up quickly. I plan on not geting a DUI. they give a exuss, you can crash at my place. I will not be able to. I have problems sleeping in places I do not know. Its very hard for me.

The 2nd thing that pissed me off is when he is telling me about how i should be showing my care for my best friend. What pissed me off is that I have to hear it from a 3rd person, not from my bff. The man of my bff says something like he doesnt like those complimeants I give him. My friend never told me anything about them he would just tell I do not belive you. And we were argue bout how this new group thinks im stuck up and what ever. I am shy I do not knwo them so I cant talk to them or start a conversation when I really do not knwo what to talk about. And he keeps telling me what needs to change. I knwo he means well but I am getting sick of it. I feel like its more and more critizime. I cant take it anymore. I told that gril who is in my class and she say well gays are like taht since she has a lot of gay friends. And that some are really uneducated. Like i miss having good conversations with poepl on topics of politics and other issues but these gays do not give a shit.

So instead of changing for these people I will just be who I am and be less excepting. But at the bday party this weekend I will just be quite. I m different from them and they cant except it. Its their lose not mine. They have been thinking way to much and their conclusion are not what is true.

My true heart is very caring I show it differently than they do, I do not consider everybody a friend, i do have trust issuse. People here over used the words friends and love. To me friend is a person you can share things with and people you actually hangout with out side of school, work or in this case club. I consider them club ppl. I knwo its mean but thats life. English languge really needs to make up words for these kinds of people. I tell the truth and its hard but who gives a dam.